Because
by 32-bit Mandarin Orange
Summary: Rin, almost 18, is burned with a question that only Sesshomaru knows the answer to. But when he defies her beliefs, Rin is torn between two loyalties and learns the real definition of unconditional love…
1. Chapter One

Well, this is my very first Inuyasha fic! At first I was a huge Kagome/Inuyasha supporter, but a friend of mine introduced me to the possibility of this little-explored relationship…Rin and Sesshomaru^-^ so I decided to write a fic! I've had most of the fic written for a few months, but I couldn't figure out how to make bold and italics work on fanfiction.net *damn html* Finally I figured it out, so here it is! 

We've even named ourselves- those who support Rin and Sesshomaru are fluffyshippers! So read and enjoy! 

**Because…**

**Chapter one**

**::Rin::**

I am his silhouette. A shadow, just a slight girl, trailing behind a great person. I will never be great. I'd long since accepted the fact and learned to dwell in my hovel of imitation. Now, at age 17, I needed to know one thing. Just one thing. 

I am still impulsive and cheerful to contrast his grave personality, but at times I've felt it slipping away into that question. A simple question that all children ask at some time or another, but I had not. If there's one thing I learned, never question a demon, especially Sesshomaru.

I've still just Rin.  

_ I always knew it. Ever since that day in spring when I pushed aside the foliage, I knew it. It's so clear to me as if it were yesterday….._

_ My heart was hurting and I needed to get away from the people who had forsaken me. Their words still rang in my ears._

_ "You're worthless, little orphan girl….always in the way……" The physical scars were insignificant compared to the worthlessness carved into my tiny eight year old heart. _

_He had been lying on the ground, a still, solitary figure in the middle of the forest. I hadn't known quite what to think of this strange, white apparition that graced the forest. The forest was my safe haven. Every time they hurt me, I would rush to the silent, green tallness of the trees and stare at the heavens. _

_Always be cheerful, Mum said. Help people who are in need. Even if they're not nice to you, you can love your enemies and make sure that nothing happens to innocent people. _

_I loved Mum. In my mind, she was an omnipotent, wordless song who poured out her beauty to me. I never quite understood the gifts she'd given me._

_When she'd died, I felt like my young heart would shatter in a million pieces like the Shikon no tamal. I still remember that last thing she said to me. _

_"Remember, Rin. I love you, and I'll be with you always. Now love others like I love you." _

_I never quite understood. I just _did_. _

_I didn't speak after I saw them all die before my eyes. I simply cried on the inside. I missed my mum, my daddy, and my older brother. For them I kept going._

_Suddenly, this adult person in the strange clothing had opened his eyes and made the worst sound in existence. It was somewhere between a screeching banshee and a howling wolf. Then my eyes had flown up to his face and saw his eyes glowing red, and I backed away in terror. _

_He stopped just as suddenly as he had began, and when I peeped over the bush again, I saw him laying there with a placid expression on his face. _

_I don't know why I went to him. Maybe because he was alone, like me. When I approached him, his face remained expressionless, but somewhere in his eyes was something soft._

_They were golden. Golden and narrowed, with a streak of arrogance and destruction. The last place where I would have expected to find compassion. Looking at him then, a strange pang shot through me. Somewhere inside me, I was afraid, yet I felt an urge to go closer. _

_He turned his head away from me and for the first time I heard his voice._

_ "Human food doesn't suit me. Don't waste your time."  _

_Wasn't he a human? I crept up closer to him and sat down next to him, holding up the herbs I'd gathered in the forest. _

_ "Yes. I'm not hungry."_

_ His face was lean and he had some strange markings on it. Wrapped around him was something that looked like the fluffy carpet we once had on our house. I wanted to ask him what it was, but something told me there were more urgent matters at hand. _

_I couldn't find my voice, but I was sure that if he tasted a fresh fish from the village he would eat. _

_Then the pain, the blinding pain.__ Their angry voices raised up at like volcanoes exploding and the hot magma pouring all over me. I felt happiness for a fleeting second as he asked me what was the matter with my face, but I just had to run. _

_Howling again.__ Howling and the padding of many feet. It felt like I was being held over and open flame, and something wet and warms coursed over my skin. Blood. Red blood. And then…..blackness, and the warm welcome of death. _

It was night time in the Hiyuda Forest and Sesshomaru sama and Rin were walking through the woods, she trailing behind the hems of his robes. Jaken walked alongside her, complaining about the dark, the cold, and the ever-present fact that she was "slowing them down."

"Humans!" He snorted, "So weak! How hard can it possibly be to run faster?"

Rin turned and made an ugly face at him. "Excuse me for not being a demon."

Sesshomaru ignored them. He usually did when they got into their little antics. 

"Would you like something to eat or drink, Sesshomaru sama?" Rin asked sweetly, deciding to forget Jaken. 

The slow shaking of the head responded her question. He didn't stop his smooth course through the forest, and the three of them lapsed into silence.

Another failed attempt to get his attention, she thought miserably. 

"I'm getting tired, Sesshomaru sama. Can we set up camp for the night?" 

He nodded and placed himself next to the nearest tree while she unrolled her backpack and grabbed a clean yukata. 

"I saw a stream a little while back. I'll go take a bath and I'll be right back!"

Rin turned towards the sound of rushing water, feeling optimistic for the first time in weeks. Sesshomaru and Inuyasha had been searching for the three parts to this grail- the wishing cup. Suposidly, it could grant any one wish if the three pieces were reunited. Sesshomaru had one, and so did Inuyasha, but Sesshomaru sama was close to the last one. Very close. _Besides, _she thought, _I have faith in my Sesshomaru sama._

She stopped her thoughts. No. Not _my Sesshomaru sama. No one's Sesshomaru sama. _

He was never tied down by any barriers, he did what he want, when he wanted. And a human girl was definitely a barrier, at least in her mind. 

For the millionth time the question surfaced. _Why? Why would Sesshomaru sama, a youkai who is almost all powerful, waste his time with me? _

She didn't know when these thoughts popped into her head, but they kept coming, and kept coming. It was almost always on the tip of her tongue when they talked, and she feared that one day she would spill out her uncertainties and ruin everything. 

Suddenly, a noise behind her. Rin whipped around, glancing suspiciously at the trees around her. Sesshomaru was nearby; he would rescue her if anything was amiss. 

"Whoever's out there, leave me alone!" she yelled, feeling slightly foolish.

She was answered with the trees bending gracefully in the wind, and so she proceeded to her bath. 

Grabbing the soap, she was about to start lathering herself up when her arms started to prickle. Though the water was warm, goose bumps suddenly erupted on her skin. The forest was eerily silent. 

All too late, she whirled around again, but he had already seized her arms and twisted them painfully behind my back. 

"SESSHOMARU!!!" Rin screamed, but her terrified cry was suffocated by a hairy hand clamping over my mouth. 

"Look here what I found, guys. Here's a pretty one. She should do well." 

_Oh, gods. _

She was surrounded my three men, all of them fat, ugly, and old. 

"Come here, pretty. We'll be nice if you will." 

Her wide, panic-stricken eyes were franticly searching the sky, looking for a familiar white-haired, fluffy-tailed flying demon. All she saw were clouds. 

"Look at us!" The first man who had attacked her snatched her head in his hand and whipped it around to face them. 

Sudden anger rushed in along with the adrenaline making Rin dizzy with fear. Sesshomaru would never stand for this. 

She turned and bit him down as hard on the hand as she possibly could. "Damn!" He yelled, pulling his hand abruptly away. "Little bitch!"

Now was her chance. Rin turned and began running in the direction where Sesshomaru was, the tree branches whipping in her face. She  tasted blood running down her cheeks. 

But she was young and naïve and didn't know the ways of the forest.

Rin's foot thrust outwards and struck a rock. At first she couldn't figure out why she wasn't running anymore, but in an instant her vision was crowded by three men. 

"It'd be much easier if she was knocked out," one of them stated breathlessly, resting his hands on his knees. 

All Rin saw was dirt, black, leaf-coated dirt, the dirt choked over by the weeds. She told her brain to run. She told herself to run. But her body didn't obey; weak, flimsy limbs stumbling all over the place. 

Her heart thumped sickeningly inside her ribs. She felt them trying to touch, cloth ripping, but she pushed them away and pushed them away. 

Her feeble attempts were not enough. 

We'll take turns, they were saying. Then we'll kill her.  

"Sesshomaru!" She screamed desperately. Her vocal chords seemed to be the only sense working. Everything else blurred together in a hot, searing mess. 

Blinding, nauseating pain filled her head and the sea of trees loomed in and out before her vision. 

"Sesshomaru sama…." She whispered, "you didn't come…." 

Then the blood trickled down to her eyes and she slipped away.

Can you please tell me if you love me? Please? The little blue button? Pleeeeeeease! Revieeeeeew! Support fluffyshipping! 

x~Aurora chan 


	2. Chapter Two

Waiii! 11 Reviews! You guys are the best!!! Thank you thank you thank you to all who reviewed! And now, I give you chapter two! 

**Because…**

**Chapter Two**

Pain, throbbing pain, like when she was little. 

She shut her eyes, trying to prevent the nightmare from her childhood from entering her consciousness again. 

"Rin? Are you awake?" A kind, soothing voice. 

"Mommy?" She whispered_.  I must be dead, Rin thought. The only person who had ever loved her that much sounded like that. _

"No, it's me," the voice said, and it suddenly sounded different. Sharper, more acute. 

As her senses slowly crept back to her, she let her eyes flutter open. 

"Y-you?" Rin sat up instantly and backed away,eyes wide. She was shocked at the amount of contempt her voice held. The girl sitting before her looked almost exactly like her, but she knew this girl very well. The hanyou's mate. 

"It's okay, Rin. I'm not gonna hurt you, honest." 

She struggled to remember what had just happened. Ugly men, kidnapping her, and then pain. And a voice, far away. 

"Was that you?" Rin asked, feeling another shimmering wave of pain pass over her head. Reaching up with a tentative hand, she probed her forehead and felt it wet-oh, yes, she was bleeding. 

She glanced down at herself. She was still wearing her yukata, but the hem was torn away at the bottom. Rin's cheeks flushed and she glanced up, ashamed. To have the hanyou's girlfriend seeing her like this- dirty, frightened, and……...deflowered……… 

"I shot all three of them with my arrows," she said, "I stopped them before they did anything to you." 

Rin nearly wept with gratitude. "Thank you…Ka…what's your name again?"

"Kagome. And you're welcome." 

The shame, the fear, the anger; it was all slight and dissipated quickly. She'd always been like that- slow to anger, quick to forgive. Even though it _was_ Kagome, she'd never done anything to her. At least, nothing bad. 

"Do you know where Sesshomaru is?" She asked me, her eyes glinting with a strange light. Something in Kagome's voice made the sudden trust she'd gained disappear. 

"No…." Rin thought of his failure to come rescue her. Maybe, she thought, he's finally given up on me. The thought brought a heavy crushing sensation onto her chest, and she tried to push the thought away. "Why?"

"He's fighting Inuyasha now. Just a few minutes ago Sesshomaru and Inuyasha caught one another's scent. Sesshomaru was trying to steal our wishing cup piece." The "our" made her mouth grimace. It wasn't _theirs._

"…I was standing by, watching the battle, praying they wouldn't get hurt. Suddenly, I heard your voice calling out for Sesshomaru, and I rushed over to rescue you."

"But why? And why didn't he come?"

"He was busy." She said it was so much simplicity, like it made total sense. Any task that would take his attention would immediately put Rin second priority. But then again, she thought, Kagome wouldn't know about being abandoned by the one you love. 

"So why did you come for me?"

She glanced up, as if surprised. "I couldn't just let you sit there and die. I had to help you, Rin. Even if Inuyasha and Sesshomaru are enemies…" 

That revelation was so stunning-so similar to something Rin would think-that she actually smiled. "Thanks, Kagome. You're a good person."

"It's all right, Rin." 

As friendly as they'd been, the shadow of the battle fell over them. 

For some reason Rin didn't trust her completely. Sesshomaru had told her bad things about these humans, this human race. The brother that's only half-youkai, a hanyou. He's not worthy of the jewel or the Tetesaiga, he says. She was human, too, but, as Sesshomaru had told her once, she was different. The thought had sent a pleasant little tingle up her spine when he'd said it. As if she were someone special, someone worthy of love and attention. 

Rin had never known the laws of the human society, but Sesshomaru's view had party rubbed off onto her- they are a petty, worthless species. But at the same time, she'd always felt this strange sort of softness and compassion for others……even after growing up under Sesshomaru. 

In Rin's heart, she'd always prayed for Sesshomaru's safety, but at the same time, she was considering for the first time what was happening in Kagome's heart as well. Even though she'd never wished for any terrible fate to befall them, she'd always huddled behind Sesshomaru, silently rooting for him. Rin never had thought about the girl on the other side, so much like her in looks and personality, yet invariably separated from her by the wall of the two brothers. 

At that instant, Rin stood up. "This can't continue," she said determidly, "I don't want to see them fighting anymore! They're brothers!" Her passion seemed to surprise Kagome. 

"But…well, then, why don't you give us the shards? It _was _my jewel."

"But the hanyou doesn't know how to use it," she protested slightly haughtily, and her cheeks reddened. 

"He does! Better than Sesshomaru, who wants to use it for evil purposes!"

The word evil rang in her ears.

 _No. Not my Sesshomaru sama. He took care of me. He would never, ever hurt me. _

Evil just wasn't a word she associated with him. Cold, maybe, and cunning. Dangerous. But not evil. Evil people didn't care about anyone, did they?

Rin opened my mouth to tell Kagome so, but a sudden flash of pain overtook her, and she doubled over. 

"Rin? Rin….." Her concerned voice drifted in and out, turning into something deeper, something that finally sounded familiar.

He swept away from the hanyou brother, as disconsolately as if he were tossing an old piece of trash away in the garbage. 

"Don't run away from me, Sesshomaru!" Inuyasha raged, panting behind him. 

"That won't be necessary. I'm not running. I have more important things to do than waste my energy battling my hanyou brother."

With those words, he turned away and began walking, slowly. He didn't stop. The second piece of the wishing cup was tucked into his armor. 

Earlier, he'd heard Rin's wailing for help. Her pitiful pleas, echoing in the trees, made something inside him turn a little bit. Spending too much time with the human must have made him soft. Obviously. Before, he could slay children without a single regard for their pathetic little human lives. But then this Rin came along, changing everything in her wake. 

When he first saw her, he wanted her to go away. He was injured, but he'd never stoop low enough to ask a human for assistance. Before he could tell her to leave, she was there offering him food. At first he was confused; why was she giving him plants? Then he remembered that humans ate food, and this naive little girl thought he was human. 

He still didn't know why he did it. Let her tag along, that was. Her resurrection had been nothing but a test of the Tenseiga, nothing more. 

But after her eyes had opened, she'd started following him and calling him Sesshomaru sama just like that pathetic little wretch Jaken.

He figured one day, she might be good for something, but to this day she'd never done a thing for him except for make him soft. That's what emotion is, he thought. Weakness. 

He struggled with a strange kind of hatred for her. It was unlike the one he harbored for Inuyasha. That was cold-blooded hatred of his simple hanyou brother, and whenever he saw the little weakling he wanted to kill him. 

But with Rin……once, during one of his long mental trains of thought, he'd wondered what would happen if she died. Every time she was ensnared in danger, he would feel a compelling rush of adrenaline that would shoot his body towards the source of her screams and swiftly rescue her before any danger befell her. She must not die. He knew that much. But the reason to why this was so was still a mystery to him…..

Rin didn't have a demon-enhanced sense of smell like Sesshomaru did, but when consciousness finally seeped back, his faint smell lingered nearby- the only scent she'd ever known. Occasionally, when she returned to the human world, she'd been mistaken for a demon. And she, a mixture of both, was able to tell. 

Rin didn't open her eyes, but became more aware of her surroundings. She realized she was laying flat on her back with a bed of wet grass under her palms. 

"Jaken!" Sesshomaru's voice was nearby, as commanding as ever. 

"Yes, my lord! Sesshomaru sama! What do you need?"

"It's about Rin."

"The human? Yes?"

"What do you think about the wound on her head?" Grass crunching as the little toad demon approached her. 

"Human suffer blows onto their heads, but they're rarely fatal. Sometimes they have long-term effects," he prattled, proud of his intelligence. The glee in his voice was barely containable. Finally, his lord and master needed him for something!

"I do not think that the human-" 

"Get lost, Jaken," Said Sesshomaru calmly, looking at Jaken. That was enough to make him slink off and leave them alone in the grassy field.  

 The soft comfort and the air of security made her want to sleep some more. Since she knew Sesshomaru was nearby, she knew she was safe. 

"Rin?" His voice came, smooth and deep. "If you are awake, say something." She didn't know why, but something was preventing her from responding. 

"Rin." Her heart was pounding at his presence. She was sure he could hear it. For he _was  there, and she could feel him leaning over her. Something soft tickled her arm-the fluffy. _

To her dismay, another pang of bittersweet emotion surged through her veins. _No. He can't know. It's just my hormones. Nothing more. _

An in that stifling moment, she felt a shadow over her. Slitting an eye open, she saw his beautiful, pale face with what hair cascading over his shoulders. The next moment, she felt something soft pressing onto her aching forehead. 

His lips! Screamed a little voice in her head. Their silky furtiveness shocked her. What was he _doing? Was this Sesshomaru, the icy, unfeeling demon who'd taken lives without regard?_

And then, just as silently as it had happened, he got up and left, leaving her in a state of utter turmoil. She must not let him know she knew. If she did, everything that was balanced so carefully like a tower of blocks might tip over and leave her sprawled at the bottom.

Yay, go me, I didn't torment you all with a cliffie XD I'm infamous for doing that, hee hee! I kinda had trouble ending this chapter, because I wrote a lot of the story a while ago and didn't break it into chapters when I was writing it…so some of the transitions might seem awkward. Anyways. Tell me if you liked it or hated it, chapter three coming if I get reviews! ^.^ 

 x~ Aurora chan


	3. Chapter Three

Agh, I haven't updated in ages! Gomen! I've been so busy working on my costume for the upcoming con (I'm going as Hyatt from Excel Saga with my friend as Excel, in case anyone cares) Again, thanks for the reviews! I love you guys ^^ Well, here it is, as promised! Chapter three! 

"You're awake." It was a statement, not a question, but the human seemed to think it was. 

"Yes, Sesshoumaru sama! I feel a lot better now! But…what happened?" 

Her face wrenched up in confusion. He didn't respond, and waited for her to remember. She reached up and touched her forehead, then and light of understanding lit up her big brown eyes, followed by tears filling them up. 

Sesshoumaru did not understand why she was crying so. He knew that when humans were upset, they sometimes cried. But Rin's tears were something totally new-something totally unaccounted for. She'd always been……what was that word? She'd always been happy. When she was little, she cried rarely, but when she did, Sesshoumaru knew it was a common act among children and ignored it. Soon the tears went away and back came her sunny disposition and her ailments were long-forgotten. 

"Why didn't you come for me?" Her clear voice bit through the tears, shriekingly high, before she knew it. Sudden panic gripped her.What was she _doing? Was she __questioning Sesshoumaru sama? _

She thought to herself_, why does he look so calm, so unalarmed, when I'm on the verge of hysteria? He should be furious at her impertinence. He should have struck her down anytime now. _

She opened an eye a crack and saw him staring at her. 

He didn't respond, and Rin thought she saw fury in those golden-rimmed eyes. She caught his gaze and held it, probably the most courageous act she'd ever committed in all their time together.

He just watched her, and watched her, his eyes daring her to keep looking, until finally she dropped her eyes. "I'm sorry, Sesshoumaru sama. Rin is sorry!"

Her voice seemed to revert back to the childish five year old voice that had pleaded with him so many years ago for forgiveness. He noted this with a strange kind of happiness. She wasn't changing, after all. So simple were these humans; they didn't change over time. 

Turning away from her, he said in a stoic, detached tone, "Make sure you stay within my sight from now on," then headed towards the water lapping above the shore. 

"Rin is going to finish her bath now," she said, still using the five year old voice, "Rin won't be long." Her voice was dappled with shame; he didn't hear it; he felt it, too. 

As she waded into the water, he felt that shooting pang, almost an ache. It was something he didn't understand, and it infuriated him that a mere human could have this sort of effect on him. 

A slight, nagging feeling plagued him. Guilt. He should have rescued her instead of waiting of trying to kill the hanyou.  It's only a human. He could kill her in one blow

And yet….

Only hours before, he'd been unable to resist her. Her silent, still, sleeping body had looked so beautiful, so innocent….but so weak. 

Why did he kiss her? A practice he'd seen only among humans, he never thought he would do it himself. And to a human, nonetheless.

When he removed his lips from her, they were stained with her blood. 

He didn't wipe it away. 

The taste of her blood still lingered faintly on his lips. Strangely, it had a different taste than his own demon blood. It was sweeter. He glanced backwards to make sure she was still there. Ever since the latter incident, he'd been unable to take his eyes off of her. He even allowed himself to feel guilty, _guilty, for this human that he'd neglected to rescue. _

She was waist-deep in the water, facing away from him. She _had _grown; her bare, girlish figure was almost completely shadowed, but the moonlight made her ebony hair glint. This feeling had had; it wasn't lust, but it definitely wasn't love. So what was it?

Her soft little voice glittered over to him. She'd always loved to sing. 

Her singing had annoyed him to no end before, but now his ear tingled with a faint sort of pleasure. What was he doing? As much as he tried to deny it, he was drawn to her. Not the same way her childlike innocence drew him before. Now, this was different. He felt more than just the urge to protect her. 

He wanted to feel her against him, breathing and her eyes fluttering with dreams. He wanted to stroke her silken hair for hours. Oh, gods. He'd only had this feeling once before in his entire life, long before Rin was even born, but it hadn't lasted. Nor did he want it to persist. He recognized it, though.

 He wanted her to be his mate. A _human.__ A__ human mate._

She left the water, covering her nakedness as she searched for her dirty yukata. Sessshomaru glanced over at her once, trying hard not to let his eyes linger. 

"It's over here," he said, gesturing towards the heap of cloth on the ground. After this new revelation, he didn't know if he'd be able to take it. 

Something rash, something far more dangerous than anything he'd ever encountered, was pushing up through the comfortable malice he'd always felt for humans. Something that threatened to throw everything off balance.

"Sesshoumaru sama? May I…..may Rin….?" She trailed off, the childlike demeanor returning. 

He glanced over at her purposefully, and she blurted out, "May Rin sleep next to you? It is very cold outside."

He froze. "I'm going out tonight."

His passive icyness made the long night seem even longer to Rin, who had been looking forward to the softness of the fluffy under her cheek and Sesshoumaru's warmth enveloping her gently. She curled up under the tree, alone, trying to contain her own warmth. 

From a distance, Sesshoumaru watched her until she breathed steadily, then quickly turned away. A small, cynical smile slowly spread across his lips. 

_Forget the human, _he told himself, refusing to even call her by her name even in his thoughts. _There are far more important things._ His mind was already focusing on retrieving the last piece of the wishing cup and daybreak. Soon, he would have everything he wanted. 

I know this chapter was pretty short…but next time I'll have an extra long one, kay? I hope you enjoyed it thus far! The next chap is probably the most dramatic so far, so stay tuned! I'm having a bit of trouble describing Sesshomaru's thoughts (I'm not sure I'm doing it quite right…-.- ) but I hope I'm doing well enough. Please review! 

x~Aurora chan


	4. Chapter Four

Sorry for the delay, school's been a beast -.- and I've been so busy working on the costumes for the con. Here you go, chapter four! Enjoy! 

Because….Chapter Four

Not far away, a white-haired hanyou stood gazing at the same sky. 

He glanced at Kagome to make sure she was still asleep. 

Hours had passed since the encounter with Sesshomaru, and his blood still boiled with anger even though he'd gotten the second piece to the wishing cup. 

When he'd reached Kagome a short time later, she was sitting in the middle of the forest, trembling. 

"Sesshomuar's human. Rin," she'd said, "She was hurt. I tried to save her, but Sesshomaru came and took her away."

"It doesn't matter," he'd responded, "You're not responsible for her, are you? Now let's go."

Still, she had seemed reluctant to revert to happiness. She tried to explain several times something about she and Rin being alike in so many ways, and that she felt a bond…but Inuyasha didn't understand. 

"You okay?" He asked gruffly, which was probably the most emotion he was accustomed to showing. 

"I'm fine," she said despondently, signing a little.

Though the two of them loved one another, they rarely showed it in public. Kagome figured that Inuyasha got embarrassed, and sure enough, his cheeks were flushed when he said, "Kagome, I'll come down from the tree tonight."

She smiled. "that's really sweet."

So they stretched out onto the grass and she buried her face into his chest and closed her eyes. She felt the familiar gentleness of his silken skin, but at the same time his muscles were tensing.

"Relax, Inuyasha, I'm not gonna bite."

It had been too long since they had felt one another's presence so closely. Inuyasha took a deep breath and pulled her in a little closer, feeling the heat between their bodies intensify. He closed his eyes and waited for sleep to overtake her. Then he unfolded her off of him and made his way out to the stars.

He didn't need much sleep; but now it simply wouldn't come. Too many things were gnawing at him- the increasing violence and passion of Sesshomaru for the wishing cup and his own overwhelming feelings for Kagome. 

He sighed and shook his head in frustration. The ring was in his pocket. He'd managed to find out what humans did when they got married, and then bought her a ring. The problem was waiting for the right time to give it to her. 

::Rin::

For some reason this one memory stuck out in her head. It had been about four years ago, when she was thirteen. She'd been sick- caught pneumonia in the dead cold of winter. She was going to die, she felt it. 

Sesshomaru had rushed her to the nearest village and in his icy calm way, demanded that they treat her. At first they were too terrified to do a single thing, but one more glance from Sesshomaru made them change their minds. 

She remembered drifting out of a fiery consciousness, feeling her chest flaming up with wretched hacks. But always, Sesshomaru had been there, and she knew he wouldn't abandon her. 

She wondered how he could possibly be so devoted to her, and why in the world he was wasting his time with her…but she knew that he had to care, or else he wouldn't bother. 

So what was going on now? Was she so different from when she was younger?

She gazed at her reflection in the lake. She didn't look much different. There was still the cascading black hair, the inquisitive, innocent eyes…only she was older. Her body had matured and her face, once cute, now radiated beauty.

That terrible, cold feeling assaulted her suddenly and fiercely. Her mind flashed to the day her family had been slaughtered in front of her eyes. After they had died, she'd been so lost, so alone…the very feeling that was piercing her heart now. 

"Rin? Do you know the whereabouts of Sesshomaru sama?" Jaken asked. She glanced at him, pain wringing her eyes. "Jaken? Have you ever been in love?"

His eyes got all glazed over. "Sesshomaru sama…." He mumbled, and 

following afterwards was a string of incoherent syllables. 

She took one look at him and laughed. "silly fangirl Jaken," she said, but he was too engrossed in his fantasies of Sesshomaru that he didn't hear her. 

"Let me make a fire," she added, "it's a little chilly tonight."

She thought of Sesshomaru's fleeting warmth. For being a demon, he was warm, so warm. 

After sitting at the fire for awhile, she felt herself drifting off. I wish Sesshomaru were here with me, she thought. 

The image of him gazing at her filled her mind as she let sleep overtake her. 

My Sesshomaru, she thought. 

Sesshomaru was annoyed. The next morning, Rin greeted him with the same warmth as usual, presenting him with a huge bouquet of flowers she'd undoubtedly gathered earlier that morning. 

His mind was detached from her, as usual, in his typical shunning of humans, but he sensed something else coming from Rin besides her everlasting cheerfulness. 

It was so strange- another one of those infuriatingly simple human emotions that was beyond his understanding. 

Her sad, dark eyes followed him as he walked across the grass to pick up his armor. 

"Sesshomaru sama does not like being stared at," stated Jaken, staring pointedly at Rin.

"Sesshomaru does not like being spoken for," he said, and shot the small demon a glowering expression. 

Jaken shrank back. "gomenasai!" He shrieked. 

Sesshomaru shifted his glance back to Rin, who looked slightly pink in the cheeks. "Come," he said shortly, and he began his wayward journey through the forest, straight to where the filthy hanyou scent was wafting under his nose. 

He glanced behind him. As usual, as it had been for as long as either of them could remember, she was riding and Ah and Un, and Jaken was straggling behind. That sad little expression hadn't left her face, and now she gazed off into the distance with a vacant look in her eyes.

"Rin."

Her head turned abruptly towards him, and for a moment he thought he caught the very essence of her soul in those chocolate brown eyes, but suddenly a veil spread over them and the look was gone. 

"Yes, Sesshomaru sama?"

"Get off of Ah and Un and walk next to me." 

She didn't dare question him. Not now, not after the awkwardness of the night before. She didn't know where they were going or what they were doing, but she did know one thing as surely as she knew her own name. Sesshomaru was ready to kill, if necessary. She didn't dare interfere now. 

Tentatively approaching him, she stopped a few inches behind him. Walking right by his side wasn't natural, somehow, but her distance seemed to satisfy him. 

_What in the world is he doing? _She wondered, watching his white tresses swinging with each step he took. He wasn't angry, that was for sure, but with Sesshomaru sama, she could never tell. 

Why would he want to be near to her? Then the answer dawned on her, and she was almost sure she was right. This was his way of an apology, almost, for the night before. To put himself on the same ground and on the same level as a human would be humbling for him. 

She smiled a little bit and all the raw hurt seemed to slip away. She was so happy that her hand reached for the edge of his sleeve and held on. For now, they were connected.  

Sorry if this chap is a little boring….I felt like I had to do a little more exploring with their feelings before I went to the big battle scene coming up ^_~ Next chapter is the most dramatic ever! Yakusoku! Please review if you want the next chap sooner! I love reviews! Thanks for all the reviews so far! 

x~Aurora chan 


	5. Chapter Five

My reviews inspired me to write more last time, but I got writer's block in the middle of the week! However, I kept on churning out the chapter out anyways! Hopefully the writer's block doesn't show in the story ^_^;; Have fun! 

**Because…Chapter Five **

They finally stopped in a small clearing where a brook sang cheerfully and birds matched its demeanor. 

"Stay here, Rin. I'll come back to you. Promise me you won't leave." He suddenly turned his gaze straight to Rin, and she recoiled slightly in shock. Sesshomaru, the great Sesshomaru, had never looked at her like that. 

His eyes just bored straight into hers, not a sidelong, superior glance, like he usually gave her. No, his beautiful, golden eyes were staring at her with something that could have been emotion, if she didn't know better. 

It took her a moment to figure something else out. He wasn't just issuing a command, this time. He was waiting for an answer. She swallowed. 

"I will wait, Sesshoumaru sama. I will wait forever." She meant those words from the bottom of her heart. It didn't matter how long it took him, but she would remain there in that very spot, because life without Sesshoumaru was unthinkable. 

_Forever._ Sesshoumaru stared at Rin. Her eyes were shining with sincerity. To her, she would wait until she died. But that wasn't forever. The word _forever was a constant reminder of the girl's mortality. Forever was a lot longer to him than it was to her. While he would continue to live agelessly, she would grow old and die one day. And then forever would die. _

A slight, shooting pang shot through his chest as his gaze was locked with Rin's. One day, she would be gone. 

"I will be back." He said quickly. Maybe if he put enough distance between himself and Rin, these strange, annoying pangs would go away.

As he walked away, he thought, _I want to tell her to go away, go back to her human village. But how could he do that? It didn't matter how much he wanted to, because something deep inside him would never, ever let him. _

As soon as Rin's scent disappeared, he broke into r run. Leaping towards the hanyou, he felt a growing sense of urgency-yes, it was there, an underlying alarm, almost. Inuyasha couldn't get far because they each had their own piece of the wishing cup, but if he had two out of the tree pieces, it would be harder to kill him. And he would _not_ hesitate. 

The forest drifted behind him-now he covered rolling hilly meadows and suddenly, over the tops of one of the peaks, there he was. Sesshoumaru stopped. 

Attacking from behind would be cowardly, so he stood at the top of the hill waiting for the hanyou to discover his scent. 

He was strolling down the hill, holding hands with this human mate, looking as if he hadn't a care in the world. Sesshoumaru felt a small smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth. _Hah, _he thought, _Look at him. And I thought I was higher than that. That could just as well be me with that foolish human. _He hated it that the hanyou was right. 

Inuyasha stopped. His ears twitched a few times, then he suddenly ripped himself free of the human and lunged towards Sesshoumaru at full speed, Tetsaiga drawn. 

He avoided the sword's blade easily by stepping aside. 

"Why are _you here?" Inuyasha demanded scornfully. _

"To take back what should belong to me," he responded calmly. 

"It never belonged to you," the hanyou protested sharply. 

"Quite the contrary. But I believe I am better suited it than you." As usual, the hanyou-bastard was as stubborn as a mule. There was no way in heaven he would surrender it. 

Drawing out Toukajin, he turned his gaze on Inuyasha. 

"Don't even _think _about it, Sesshoumaru. You've annoyed me enough lately, and I'm sick of it."

It happened so fast that Inuyasha was pinned to the ground before he took another breath. 

"Don't burden me with your idle threats," Sesshoumaru whispered, venom dripping from every word, "Tell me where you have those pieces hidden or you _will die." He pressed Toukajin into Inuyasha's throat to emphasize this. _

"Inuyasha! Inuyasha!" The girl was scurrying up the hill on uncouth legs, and 

Sesshoumaru was overcome with a wave of loathing. He remembered why never brought Rin along on his missions- humans simply got in the way and usually ended up getting themselves killed when they interfered in the affairs of youkai. 

When she reached the summit of the hill, she put her hands on her knees, panting, than raised her head. 

She started talking, but he didn't hear a single word; he was too busy staring at her face in surprise. He could have been looking at Rin's face. This human had the same innocent glitter in her wide brown eyes and had ebony hair cascading down her back. Her voice even sounded a little bit like Rin's. 

"Inuyasha, they won't be any good to you if you're dead! Don't be so stubborn!"

"Get out of here, Kagome!" he screamed, and Sesshoumaru pressed the blade a little harder onto his throat. 

"You heard the hanyou. Get away or you'll meet the same fate as him." Inuyasha lay paralyzed under the blade, but the human still didn't leave. How foolishly devoted these humans were to the ones they loved. 

He glanced at her once more before the obvious jumped out at him. Inuyasha was telling her to get away from him, which meant she must have the two pieces of the cup. 

"Here," she said, confirming his suspicions. "Please don't hurt Inuyasha." She held them up, her eyes beseeching. It was hard to ignore someone with Rin's eyes. 

He considered this situation. If he took them, they would increase his power levels, but the hanyou might turn on him with an enraged youki. 

He decided to risk it anyways, and grabbed the two pieces of the cup. At that instant, as he suspected, the Tetsaiga's blade flew at his head. 

"You're not getting away with this!" Inuyasha screamed. His rage was blinding him, Sesshoumaru noticed with much amusement, and it was making his swordsmanship sloppy. He pulled out Toukajin, ignoring the mad protests from the girl behind him. 

"But Sesshoumaru sama told us to stay here!" Jaken stated as she quickly untied Ah and Un. 

"He's acting strange. I want to know what's going on!" Rin replied as she leapt onto the huge youkai. "Come, now! I'm leaving!"

"Matte!!!" 

He grabbed onto Ah's tail at the last second as the beast was borne into flight. 

"I'd better stay a small distance away so he doesn't catch my scent," she mumbled to herself. As she fixated her eyes on the small speck in the distance, she struggled to keep up. He was covering more distance than usual and moving faster than he usually did. 

Finally, he stopped atop one of the peaks of a hill far after they'd left the forest behind. 

There were a few sparse trees scattered upon a neighboring hill, and it was here where she landed, making sure she was hidden from view. 

Her eyes widened in horror as she saw Sesshoumaru draw out his sword and in one swift move press it to Inuyasha's throat. 

Fear pulsated in her veins as she held her breath. _Don't kill him, Sesshoumaru sama, she pleaded mentally, _please don't. __

As she continued to watch, Kagome ran up the hill and appeared to be pleading with him. After a small pause she took out two golden pieces of metal and handed them to him. 

Rin let out her breath in relief- maybe now, there wouldn't be any bloodshed. The fiery air she'd felt earlier radiating off of Sesshoumaru sama had alarmed her.

But the second he took the two pieces of the cup, Inuyasha attacked and the brothers began to battle with so much intensity that she almost felt it from her spot. 

Rin stifled a gasp as she watched Sesshoumaru sway himself around and cut a huge gash in the hanyou's arm. Even from a distance she could see bright red blood glistening. 

Watching Sesshoumaru in action was like nothing she'd ever seen before. He dodged each blow with such elegance that Inuyasha stumbled in his absence. Before he could even recover, Sesshoumaru was before him, baring his sword in attack. 

A strange combination of awe and the slightest tinge of fear replaced her abhorrence at the sight of blood. 

This was the Great Sesshoumaru sama, the warrior, the killer. At his mere presence, people cowered in fear and ran away. The world knew this Sesshoumaru sama, but he was still a mystery to her. 

She found herself thinking of the day before- the feel of his lips on her bleeding forehead and his beautiful, golden eyes on her. 

Surely, protested a voice in her head, surely this had not been the same Seshoumaru sama. He's not ever like that with anyone else. 

The increasing violence of the battle made her stomach turn over. _Why do you fight, Sesshoumaru sama?_

All these years he'd kept this side of himself away from her, sheltering her from the front of the battle. _Why? Why did he hide himself away from me? What it because he didn't want me to be afraid of him? _

For years, she had been well-aware of his loathing of humans and his awesome power. She'd always felt safe around him.

Once again, the annoying question popped into her head, like it usually did during her train of thoughts. _Why me? He could have killed me easily a long time ago. He hates humans. So……why?_

He was drenched in blood; it covered him; his head, his chest, and his arms. The human that looked like Rin had shot arrows mercilessly at him when she saw he had been attacking her precious hanyou. She looked like Rin, but she certainly did not resemble her in any other ways.

He pulled out the arrows that had hit him and flung them aside carelessly. His body stung all over, but he ignored the pain. Later, he thought. 

After he'd cut the hanyou's arm, he'd had problems wielding his sword, but that was when the human began to interfere. 

It was time to exterminate him, once and for all, now that he was weak. He gathered up the remainder of his strength and drew his sword back. Then he lunged. 

It all seemed to happen too fast for his eyes to comprehend. The hanyou was growing closer and closer, and turning around with a horrified expression in his eyes. 

Then, suddenly there was not a red-clothed being in front of him, but a small, petite female pulling Inuyasha's hand away. Her eyes, which were panicky at first, flickered from fear to anger to a wise, sage old knowledge. She knew she was going to die. 

Then there was the sickening thud of flesh splitting open and two shrill screams filled the air, one a cry of agony, the other faintly calling his name. 

Sesshoumaru stopped and stared at the scene before him, his eyes disbelieving. The girl's black hair splayed across her pain-stricken face, her hands covering her mouth in pain. Blood spilled across her shirt. Rin. It was Rin. 

Then she turned towards him and he saw that it was not Rin, but Inuyasha's human. He closed his eyes and let out a breath of relief. 

But…..hadn't he heard Rin's voice calling him?

Then suddenly, her scent. 

He whipped around and saw her then, and their eyes locked. She looked like a rabbit about to get shot by a hunter- this solitary, frightened creature somewhere she definitely did not want to be. What was she _doing _here? 

Even from that far away, he could still see the expression in her eyes. 

Tears clouded them, leaking out as her small body convulsed with sobs. But she kept her hands tightly locked at her sides with her mouth set firmly and continued to stare at him with the tears dripping down her cheeks. 

The manner she held was almost defiant, but the predominant emotion in her eyes was anger. Rin was angry. Angry at him. 

I have about half of the next chap written, but this seemed like the best place to stop *Grins wickedly* tell me what you think! 

x~Aurora chan  


	6. Chapter Six

I try to do updates every Friday, cuz that's when I have time to type everything up I've written at school *coughsschoolisboringandineverpayattention* So expect an update every Friday or every other Friday, kay? Thanks for reviews! 

**Because…**

**Chapter Six**

Her gaze turned to Inuyasha as he rushed to his fallen friend, calling out her name in panic. She seemed to watch this with dead eyes, feeling no empathy but only anger.  

This emotion had rushed in before she had a chance to control it and it sickened her. Rin had never felt this furious in her entire life. 

The second the blade hit Kagome, it hit her in the face like a cold slap. _He wasn't sheltering me, she thought instantly_, he was hiding himself. He's a killer._ _

Her instant, harsh condemnations shocked even herself_. I did not just say that, she thought. __Sesshoumaru sama is not a killer. _

But when she looked at him then, the tears of confusion welling up in her eyes, she didn't see the Sesshoumaru sama she loved anymore. A cold, heartless youkai who killed without any regard for life. _That _was what she saw. 

"Rin. Come here." He said calmly. He knew what would happen- she would come over to him. 

But instead Rin shocked both of them by remaining planted in her spot. She looked more decisive than she felt. Inside, her nerves were withering. 

She hated confrontations and this one- this one that was the end of all things- made her unable to act. She glanced from one side to another: Sesshoumaru, standing there, waiting expectantly for her to respond, and on the other side, Inuyasha, who was also staring at her with waiting, tortured eyes. 

She felt as if the very core of her existence was based on this one moment, this one decision. If she made the wrong one, she would shatter slowly from the inside out. 

_Who will you pick? _Their eyes taunted her. 

She took one step. The two sets of eyes boring into her made her feet seem strangely heavy. 

For the first time ever, she didn't want to go with Sesshoumaru sama, not now, not like this. Inuyasha was not angry at her, but he looked only grief-stricken and pleading. He didn't want to be abandoned by Kagome. 

If she went with Sesshoumaru, that would mean she was agreeing with him- it was all right to hurt, to kill. 

She took another step, this one veering towards the fallen figure on the land beneath the hill. She couldn't bear the thought of leaving this girl behind- the girl who had rescued her yesterday. Rin owed her a favor. 

Taking two steps wasn't much, but it felt as if just then a part of her grew up, and she felt like she had finally slipped free of something. For a moment, it didn't matter what Sesshoumaru thought, and she felt as if she could do whatever she wanted.

She swiveled her head a little to see what Sesshoumaru was doing about this as she cautiously took a third step. 

That was her mistake. 

The second she looked at him, she seemed to fall under some strange sort of power, and all logical thought flew out of her head. Her new resolve and courage all crumbled, and her previous thoughts seemed extremely foolish.

What was I thinking? She thought. Leaving Sesshoumaru sama? 

Biting down hard on her lower lip, she turned her direction slowly and walked towards the white-clad youkai standing at the top of the hill. 

She tried to ignore the sick feeling which had just grown ten times worse as she turned her back on the two helpless figures down below. 

"We must get away from the hanyou," said Sesshoumaru, not looking at her, "there is a chance he may attack," he glanced back at Inuyasha, who made no move to attack. Instead, he snatched up Kagome's fallen body and bounded away with her in his arms. 

The way she looked at him angered him. Her bright eyes were glancing at him suspiciously…and not just suspiciously, but as if he were some sort of creature. As if she, an inferior human, was better than him. 

He began to walk towards Ah and Un, and she followed him, staring at the ground. Rin felt a strange sort of shame, as if she harbored a huge, dirty secret. 

Without a word, she mounted the youkai beast and the two of them took off towards the distance. 

Finally, several hours later, Sesshoumaru stopped in a grassy meadow with stalks that were taller than Rin was. Slowly, she got off Ah and Un and stood there, hesitating. Sesshoumaru stood a short distance away, staring out into the waves of rolling grass as the wind tousled his hair around. _He does look beautiful, she thought. _

She couldn't believe that hours earlier she had actually considered leaving him. _He's the only one I have in this world. _

But still, deep down, that gnawing sensation was there, ever present. Somehow, the light around him had changed. Nothing would ever be the same again, for now-now, she'd seen Sesshoumaru kill.  

Taking a deep breath, she approached him. 

"Sesshoumaru sama…you look like you're bleeding a lot. Would you allow me to bind your wounds?" Her voice was trembling. 

He made no sign of even having heard her, but after about a minute, he sat down on the grass and untied the sash to his kimono. 

Rin blushed as he pulled of the upper half of the kimono down to reveal a well-toned torso. This was the first time she'd ever seen him without armor and robes. Somehow it was strange that he was built like a man, an ordinary human, because he was so far above any average person. 

There were several lacerations covering him all over, but none of them were serious. Once again, she prayed to the gods for strength. Binding his wounds was nothing, but she would be touching him- everywhere. 

_Don't let my hands shake. Don't let my heart pound. And most of all, don't let me think about him in that way. _

Forgetting it would be the easiest way…but she could never, and would never. Especially not now. 

Suddenly she realized that she didn't have anything to bind the wounds with- they'd used up the last of the first aid supplies a month before.

She glanced at him to see if he saw her uncertainty, but he was staring out into the forest of grass surrounding them, as if looking at her would degrade him. 

Rin found herself wondering where Jaken was. They were all alone, and the grass was so tall that they were completely sheltered from the outside world. _Alone._

_Stop! _She scolded herself. 

She decided that it didn't matter if she ripped her kimono a little- when they got near the next village, he would stop to let her buy another one. 

Grasping the fabric firmly between her hands, she grabbed it and ripped. 

"This is going to hurt a little bit, Sesshoumaru sama," she said unnecessarily. She knew pain didn't matter to him at all. She ran to Ah and Uh and fetched the water flask. 

Her hands worked steadily, and she couldn't believe they were hers- it almost seemed as if they were separate from her body. She was detached emotionally-there was no point worrying about touching him. Instead of being nervous, she only felt dead- her earlier worries were useless. Her burning ardor seemed to have gone out. How had everything gone so terribly wrong? _I thought I would love him no matter what. But do I? _

She didn't realized what in intimate act he was allowing her to perform. He'd never, under any circumstances, let another living being touch him. 

Especially not a human. 

Her soft fingers brushed lightly against her skin, and he had to stop himself from shivering. 

Rin was still angry at him, and they both knew it. Rin wasn't the type to yell, explode, or hold a silent grudge. But somehow, that made it worse. The expression in her eyes proved it.

He fully knew her reasoning. In his sheath, he had the Tensaiga, the sword which had the power to defeat death. He hadn't meant to kill the human- and he was fairly sure she was dead. But he deliberately did not touch the waiting sword at his side, and Rin had expected him to resurrect her.

 If Rin was angry at him, maybe it would be easier to tell her what he had to say. This had to end. Now. 

"Rin," he said, not turning to face her, "I think it is time you go back to a human villiage."

Her demure fingers stopped in their administrations, and all the bandages fell out of her hands. After he didn't hear a reply, he turned cautiously to look at her. 

Her face was stricken. Eyes wide and staring, mouth agape in shock. Slowly she brought her hands up to her mouth and kept them there. 

He hadn't expected such a strong reaction. Maybe he'd underestimated her. 

Finally, Rin found her voice. "Why?" She choked out, her voice crowded with emotion. 

_Because I can't stand to be near to you anymore. I can't take your human scent another day longer without holding you and taking you as my own mate and keeping you in my arms forever and ever. _

But that would surely lead to his downfall.

"You're wasting your life here. You humans don't live that long, Rin," he said aloud, trying to sound impassive, "You are at the age where you should be bearing children and raising a family. I've raised you when you didn't have a family, but now it's time you go back to the human world and stay there."

Her mind was an empty canvas. Where she should have been feeling something, she only felt the numbness of rejection. Then, slowly, a few colors streaked across- blue, green, and red. Her thoughts all fragmented across her brain.  

She didn't know anything about humans. She didn't know how they greeted one another, how they made families, how they married. If she had grown up in her hometown with her family, she would have. But she didn't. Didn't he understand that she wanted to spend the rest of her natural life with him? 

Excruciatingly, painfully, she felt her heart breaking. Never, in all the years she'd ever lived, had she felt this kind of pain. It filled her whole being, creating a dull, throbbing ache somewhere inside that she couldn't penetrate with any conscious thoughts. 

Her eyes flooded with tears, but she didn't let any of them fall. So this, in the end, was the way he saw her. Just a burden, an object of pity. She didn't need to ask him now why he'd let her stay with her all this time, because now he was making her leave. 

Finally, she spoke. "If it is what Sesshoumaru sama desires, I will go," she said, feeling dead. There was no reason for her to stay if he didn't want her there…which he didn't. But she was loyal to the end, and would obey his wishes…even if it meant this. 

Somewhere in the distance, thunder rumbled. 

He hadn't expected this kind of reaction, not at all. He didn't know _what he had expected, but this certainly wasn't it, this quiet acceptance and obedience. For the first time in all of Sesshoumaru's life, he was unsure of himself and found himself wondering if he might have made a mistake. _

It was too late now to take back his words, however. Just looking at her filled him with anger. Anger at her for entering his life in the first place, for making him weak, and now, most of all, for being a human. If she had been a youkai, they would have been perfectly acceptable together. 

But better to let her go now than grow more attached to her as the years went on and then one day have to watch her die. 

So much anger and conflict raged between the two hearts there in the grass, but there seemed to be an invisible wall erected between them, so they both remained silent. 

Rin wondered if it was possible to love someone in the past and hate them in the present. She certainly didn't hate Sesshoumaru sama, and she never would. But she was so disappointed in him. She was angry at herself, too, for letting herself fall in love with him. Love brings nothing but pain, she thought. I will _never love again. _

"Sesshoumaru sama, before I leave, I'd like to you to grant me one last request," She said, surprised at the amount of authority her voice held. It was the grown-up Rin again. She hadn't totally disappeared after all. Inside, though, inside she had turned to mush. She couldn't believe what she was about to do. But she owed it to her child self, even if her child side was dead. 

"I will, Rin. One last request." He glanced at her with his usual emotionless face. 

She gulped and tried to steady her nerves. 

"I've wanted to do this for a long time," she stated, her strong voice crumbling. 

Her hands found their way through his hair on either sides of his face. His face showed the slightest hint of surprise, but in a moment her vision blurred with tears. 

Holding him gently between her hands, she leaned in and pressed her lips softly to his. 

The second their lips touched, a spark of electricity seemed to bolt from her lips and spread to her entire body, making it tingle uncontrollably. No, not tingle. _Tremble. _

Sesshoumaru was shocked. Somehow emotion had managed to worm its way through his cold exterior. Only Rin was capable of making this happen. 

Feeling her warm lips on his, he felt like he was defying himself. Not only was he letting her kiss him, but he was _enjoying _it. 

_This is it. I've become weak_.

Rin tried to pull away but found that she couldn't. Sesshoumaru was kissing her back.  

Sesshoumaru pulled his arms up and pulled her down onto his chest so her warm body was covering his. This feeling was so strange, this tingling, this warm desire. 

The thunder rumbled again, but this time it seemed closer. For the rest of her life, whenever Rin heard thunder, she re-lived this moment- 

Sesshoumaru's lips softly caressing hers, his warm, muscular body underneath hers, and the utter contentment she felt right then. 

_This is it. It's all over. Everything, everything. Over. Over…._

Rin had given herself to him long ago, but Sesshoumaru had resolved long ago never to let another living thing touch him like this, love him like this. But it was too late. Ever since he'd gotten that human girl….too late. He let his body meld into hers so they were almost like one person lying there in the grass. 

She was trembling and pulled herself closer to him, breathing in his scent. Drawing in a long, shuddery sigh, she squeezed her eyes tightly shut to keep any tears from falling. 

"Little Rin, don't cry. Crying is for the weak."

"But I am weak, Sesshoumaru sama." she lifted her head out of his shoulder and looked at him. Under her she felt him taking a deep breath. 

Burying her head once more into him, she closed her eyes, not wanting to hear his answer.  

"You are not weak, Rin. You are the strongest human I've met. The others let their petty emotions rule their lives. They stray from their families because their emotions fail them. They kill, and they harbor anger. And you…"

He brushed a strand of hair away from her face. "You do not."

Those three words seemed to let something inside her breathe with relief. 

"Thank you, Sesshoumaru sama."

He could no longer take it anymore. He felt as if he didn't do something, anything, he would burst.  

Sesshoumaru moved his lips to her mouth again and then traced her cheek, her jaw line, and her neck with them.  

As Rin felt the moisture of his lips printing kisses all over her body, she knew that even though she'd started this, she was no longer in control. She felt like a newborn kitten. Lying there, helpless, she was a slave to her emotions, unable to protest or escape. Her eyes were not blind to the world and she knew nothing. All she knew was that the total trust that a kitten has was enveloping her. 

Sesshoumaru was growing more intense by the second. She felt his hands touching her skin, sending a shiver of pleasure down her spine. 

"Sess….Sesshoumaru….sama…." She tried to tell him to stop. There had to be something wrong with this- their two hearts deriving so much complete and utter happiness from one another- it just didn't seem possible. And, as Rin had learned before from life, pleasure _always came with pain. _

But there seemed to be no stopping the spirit of intoxication that had befallen them. 

Rin let herself go, little by little. She slowly, tentatively, inched down and kissed the skin on his chest, making sure that her lips covered his wounds. Little by little she traveled to each one and kissed it softly, making sure she wasn't hurting him. 

Rin was vaguely aware of herself- doing everything slowly and steadily, cautiously making sure she didn't push any limits that she shouldn't be. Sesshoumaru, on the other hand, knew that she was his. He just floated in the water, waiting to see where the current would take him. 

In the flurry of Rin's kissing, Sesshoumaru put his hand on her shoulder and slid off the obstructive cloth covering it. Yes, there was her bare shoulder, beautiful, white, and waiting to be kissed…

Suddenly, Sesshoumaru stopped. It was as if he'd suddenly escaped his body and had a glimpse of himself from above and how he looked at this very instant. 

Rin stood there, staring at him, her eyes pleading to be kissed again. 

He'd lost his head, lost it to a human. Given in. 

The great Sesshoumaru had let her see a softness in him and let something other than logic rule him. Because if he were his usual cold, calculating self, Rin would still be untouched. She would probably be gone in her human village by now. And a human was the least logical, most nonsensical thing he could think of. It made no sense. But at the same time, it made perfect sense. 

"Sesshoumaru sama…?"

"Go to sleep, Rin. I have a long day of walking tomorrow and you must be energetic tomorrow when we take you to the village."

"Demo…?"

Her eyes watched him pull his robes back on and leave their little grass shelter as if nothing had ever happened. 

Her heart was fluttering madly, and she put her hand to her chest to try to stifle it. What in the world was going on?

She sat there for several moments simply staring at the empty space where their two bodies had left an imprint in the broken stalks of grass. 

And….^_^ I had fun writing this chapter. And you can see why. If I can get my butt in gear this weekend, expect an update next week! 

x~Aurora chan. ßremember, she loves reviews. *hint*


	7. Chapter Seven

And here's chapter seven! I regret to say that there might be a two-week wait on the next chapter…this week is finals weeks and I actually have to do some schoolwork ^^ but thanks so much to everyone who's reading the story! I really appreciate it! 

**Because…**

**Chapter Seven**

Suddenly, there was a rustling in the grass behind her and a second later Jaken stepped out. She flushed, wondering how much he'd seen. In the next instant, she was sure of one of two things- either he was a very good actor, or he really hadn't seen anything.  

"Rin, you look a bit shaken. Look at your hair, it's all tangled. It's covered in leaves and sticks. What were you doing, lying in the ground? And your yukata…"

She quickly yanked up her kimono back over her shoulder and tried to look natural, but her blush gave here away. 

"I'm fine, Jaken sama," she said. 

He glanced at her suspiciously. "Then where is Sesshoumaru sama?" He asked. The thought that there might be an attraction between his master and the human had been lingering a lot lately, but he decided not to pursue the subject- besides, the mere thought of Sesshoumaru loving a human revolted him.

"I don't know where he is." She glanced away, and he knew she was lying. Before, when anyone had mentioned Sesshoumaru sama, she saw the tall, cold, elegant youkai warrior who she'd loved from a distance for so long. 

But now the picture that appeared into her mind was the warrior lying in the grass with his soft skin and his white, flowing hair everywhere and covering them both. Him letting her finally, finally touch him and kiss him everywhere. No one would ever believe it. 

Part of her wanted to run after him and hug him and never let go, but she had a feeling that the moment was lost forever and he would probably push her away. 

Her elation was fast-fading as she thought about Kagome again.

_She's dead. I just know it. She's dead and Sesshoumaru sama didn't try to resurrect her. _

She thought he might be been trying to make her mad. Maybe it was all part of his plan to make her return the village. For something was finally making sense to her- he didn't want to feel anything for her. She didn't know whether he loved her or not, but those kisses hadn't been empty…had they?  

Her thoughts meandered over to Inuyasha. _He loved Kagome_, she thought sadly. She felt so much empathy at that moment that she felt herself tearing up. Sesshoumaru sama hated him because he was a hanyou, but he was nothing a person who'd been created by a human and a youkai. So then, she thought, what if I had Sesshoumaru's child? Would he hate him, too? 

In the mottled struggle for something to made sense in her brain, suddenly something broke through, as clear as day. There _was _something she could do. 

The plan was kneaded like fresh dough. She felt electricity running through her veins as she considered the prospect of it. Yes, it was perfect, simple, yet perfect. 

At the same time, it frightened her. First of all, why was she so excited about this one little act? This act of deception and redemption tore at her soul. She was deceiving Sesshomaru sama. But this, this seemed acceptable at this time. 

He had deceived her, so it seemed only natural that her turn was next. 

Taking it was easy. 

When Sesshoumaru sama was injured, his wounds usually healed fast as he was a youkai. Rin knew this. But she also knew that soon after he was injured, he would usually fall into a deep meditative trance and no one, human or youkai, could rouse him. She figured that he'd probably allowed himself to do this here because there were no youkai for miles around, and he certainly did not see Rin, his human, as a threat. 

He'd already exposed her weaknesses to her. There were few of them-Sesshoumaru sama was almost perfect in ever single way. 

So as she was gliding through the tall grass with a heavy dread draped over her, she wondered if this was fair. 

She was taking advantage of his trust, and there was no simple way of putting it.  

But had it not been for the image of Inuyasha's tortured, heartbroken face implanted in her mind, she would have turned back. 

When Rin reached Sesshoumaru sama, she stopped. Asleep, he looked just as beautiful as he did when he was awake. Beautiful, yet deadly. 

She tried to swallow the pounding heartbeat in her throat as she kneeled down. Rin could not bring herself to do it. She wanted someone else to reach their hand out and take it for her. It was not that she was frightened. She knew full well that he could, and would, kill her if he ever found out about this. But death did not frighten her, only the prospect of displeasing her lord. 

Always he'd taken care of her, but now, it was time for her to do one singular thing one her own. But why, why did it have to be this?

So many conflicting emotions raged inside her like a battle between nations. Hesitant from love- it didn't want her to do this. It wanted her to stay as his obedient little Rin, loving and cooing and petting him, all the while ignoring her innermost doubts. And then there was the angry, thrashing, throbbing, alive _thing inside her. It wanted her to take it with her own two hands and then slay him while she was at it. And below all that was the driving force- pity for this youkai's half brother. _

She sat there until she could no longer take it anymore- she felt if she didn't act, she would drive herself mad. Quickly, she pulled down his armor a little where she knew they were hidden and snatched them out- one, two three shining pieces of metal, and immediately bolted, terrified of glancing back. 

She felt as if somehow, this were all too easy. 

Something was amiss. Sesshoumaru felt it the instant he opened his eyes. For one thing, Rin's scent had almost totally disappeared- the only traces of it were the residue left on a few grass stalks. 

The wind blew it over to him, and for a moment, he stared at the rippling seas of grass, smelling the wind. After a few seconds he realized with much disgust at himself that he was memorizing the scent of Rin. 

She'd gone, then, back to a village. A part of him didn't believe that she would actually do it, but she had always obeyed his every wish. And now she was gone. 

A profound sense of relief swept over him. Now he wouldn't have to deal with her plaintive eyes, her smiling face, and her intoxicating scent ever again. 

But…

Something still did not seem right. Rin was gone, yes, but there seemed to be something else missing, something…

His hand traveled down to the space under his armor where he had kept the three pieces of the sacred grail. 

Empty.

The wind blowing matter-of-factly around him seemed to mock him- all around, empty spaces, not a trace of who had been there. 

Rin. 

It had to be; she was the only one for miles who knew of his existence in this place. 

Damn her, he thought with fire in heating up behind his eyes. It was her, then. Rin had stolen the wishing cup.                                                                                                                                                                                                 

The lake she stopped at was several miles away from where Sesshoumaru sama had been. It was almost dusk now, and the few stars that were in the sky played across a navy blue backdrop. She made sure she was a safe distance away before she cautiously demounted Ah and Un, grail in hand. 

She'd discovered, on the ride there, that the pieces, when fitted together, melded with a strange sort of magic. 

Just seeing that simple act sent a tingle of fear through her. 

It made her realize what she would be doing- soon, she would be getting herself intertwined with the ethereal world of magic, one she'd never before been a part of. It was mere experimentation, child's play with something she knew nothing about. 

Not only was she dealing with magic, but it would be she, _she, Rin, who would be facing death and defeating it with this power. _

The thought sent a shiver somewhere deep inside- what if the spell didn't work? What if only Sesshoumaru could use this cup and get a wish granted? 

With all this in mind, Rin approached the lakeside and gazed at her reflection hesitantly. 

She looked scared- like a small child. Her eyebrows were knitted in concern, and she was biting her bottom lip. Was this what Sesshomaru had seen all this time?

This naïve, strange looking little girl? 

She was disgusted with her reflection. Of course Sesshoumaru did not want a human, and especially a weak one like her.                                 __

But, for the first time in her life, she was completely, totally, and utterly alone. If she could make it this far on her own, she could do this. She _would. _

Angry at her ineptitude, she plunged the cup into the sparkling water and brought it up to her mouth. 

Her heart was hammering so hard that the cup was shaking. 

For a suspended moment, she stared at the object in her hands. Then she dumped out all the water. 

"I can't do this…I'm sorry, Inuyasha…" she whispered, "but maybe you can."

Blackness, utter and total emptiness. Inuyasha did not think that he would be able to feel anything ever again. Kagome was dead. 

Then, a light flickering against the walls of his cave, and in a moment, a figure filled the door, illuminated with light. 

Through his dulled vision, he saw a girl. A girl with long, black hair and sparkling eyes. The word that sprung into his head just then was _angel. _

"Inuyasha?" She whispered, taking a step foreword.  

The bottle of sake in his hand fell to the ground with an ear-splitting clatter.

"You're back," he said softly, his eyes fixated on her. "Kagome. You're back." 

The girl held up a golden grail to him. "Here. For you. Wish for anything, anything you want."

"Kagome," he rasped, his words barely making a sound. He stumbled over to her and collapsed against her, folding her into him. 

"You have it." Inuyasha released her and took it out of her hands. "I'm going to make my wish now, Kagome." He said this was a passionate urgency. Time was cruel; time might steal her away again, so he must do it before it was too late. 

Her eyes filled with panic. "I'm not…I'm Rin. Rin!" She backed away a few steps, smelling something pungent and familiar. It was a people smell, one that she remembered vaguely from taverns. Spirits, that terrible, reeking smell that deluded and possessed men and turned their minds around. Something in the back of her mind urged her to escape, but her feet seemed to be rooted to the spot. 

It was too late. As Rin watched in horror, he gulped down the contents of the cup and formed words. The words seemed to be slow, in some foreign language. She did not comprehend their meaning, only stared in dim shock at his moving mouth. 

"I want you to stay with me forever. I want us to never be apart again."

La…it's almost midnight, and I have school tomorrow. Ha ha ha. All so I can finish posting this chapter on time. But yes. Maybe I should sleep. Sleepy good. Until next chapter…

x~Aurora chan


	8. Chapter Eight

**GAH!! **I can't believe fanfiction.net!! I wanted to make an update last Friday, but what happened? It didn't let me upload!!!! Sorry for the delay, everyone -_-  I sent in a complaint to fanfiction.net yesterday and I guess they fixed it, because finally I am able to upload. I've had this chappie written for ages and I'm glad to finally share it with you. 

**Because…**

**Chapter Eight**

The days slowly slipped back into their pattern of normality, back into the way it was before _her. _

Sesshoumaru did not realize how apathetic he had grown with challenging other youkai. Ever since he had found Rin, he'd tried to avoid trouble when the child was around for the threat of her safety. 

Going out and actually looking for battles were something that had been very rare lately, and became even rarer when Rin had begun to question him. 

When she was younger, she would stay with Jaken and Ah and Uh until he returned, speaking nothing from the battle. But as she grew older, she wanted to tag along more and more often. 

Long before he returned, he could hear her childish laughter ringing through the silence. When Sesshoumaru came back from battles, bloodied a little bit but as composed as ever, she would spring from Ah and Un's back, or maybe a nearby tree with a bundle of flowers for him. 

Now, his only answer was the wind laughing gently.

Those intrusive thoughts that greeted him with that silence wouldn't go away. As much as he tried to push them away, something inside felt a longing for those days of her childhood again, the days when she was still his. 

Replaced by that was the sharp, almost painful longing when he pictured her now. The beautiful girl she had become had killed the child she was no longer. Now, with a mind of her own, he perceived her more far more dangerous than she would have ever thought.  She was the one thing in the world that could defeat his greatness, push him down until he was as pathetic as the hanyou.  

"Sesshoumaru sama, things are quiet without Rin around," Jaken remarked from behind him. Silence had always seemed to bother Jaken, probably the prime reason why he could never keep his beak shut for more than five minutes, even if the conversations were mostly one-sided. 

Quiet…

"Perhaps we should go for a hunt for her, Sesshoumaru sama. You seem to be glum without your little human girl."

Sesshoumaru turned around and scrutinized Jaken with an evil glare. "It would be so easy to pull out Toukijin and slice your head off," he said calmly, placing his hand on the sword. 

"Gomengomengomengomen!!" Shrieked the toad-like youkai, bowing fervently. 

Sesshoumaru turned back around and continued walking. Damn, he'd let the little wretch see his sensitive side. For Rin was the only living thing that could make him angry enough to kill, thaw his heart enough to make him smile, and make his body long for her touch. 

Yes, Jaken had been right. He did miss his little human girl. 

_She was lying in the grass, eyes shut. She did not need to open her eyes, for she knew who was there- Sesshoumaru sama. Leaning in closer, she inhaled his scent-something between fresh air  and a strong, foreign, yet pleasant scent that signified his status as full-blooded youkai. As she smiled and kissed his cheek, a wave of sadness crossing over her at the same time. If only we could hold this moment forever…_

_Her mother, father, and brother suddenly appeared before them, and they both sat up. _

_"May I take the honor of taking Rin as my wife?" He asked her father. She didn't see him nod, but in a moment, Sesshoumaru scooped her up into his arms and embraced her tightly. She pulled away to see his face, but suddenly, everything shifted._

_"wait," she heard herself saying dully, "wait." The crescent moon on his forehead disappeared, only to be replaced with a pair of ridiculous, yet cute, dog ears. The eyes became less narrow and larger, more arrogant than beautiful and fierce. _

_"Now we will be married," he said, and she could do nothing to protest. And at that moment, suddenly, she no longer wanted to. _

When Rin awoke the next morning, she saw white hair. She saw a clawed hand lying limp with the presence of sleep. And then, golden eyes that flew open to study her. Suddenly everything from the night before sank in, and she shut her eyes in dismay. 

He did resemble Sesshoumaru sama in many ways on the outside, and something about his manner- his every move- reminded her of Sesshoumaru. 

"Kagome…I have a hangover," her moaned in her direction, hand groping around for some water. 

At first she did not respond, but soon realized he was talking to her. 

Without a word, she filled up a nearby pitcher and handed it to him. Waiting for him to drink, she kept a safe distance away. 

He closed his eyes and leaned back onto the futon, chest rising and falling steadily. 

"Inu…Inuyasha..?"

He grunted, and she supposed that this was his response. 

Clearing her throat, she said, "Do you remember anything about last night?"

He opened his eyes a little and squinted at the ceiling. "We were walking…Sesshoumaru came….then we came home," he said softly, his voice husky. 

"did something else happen that I don't remember?"

Her silence told him more than any words could. But how on earth would she tell him?

There was no way to describe the bright flash of light that accompanied his words, the way the cup simply vanished, and worst of all, the fact that she was not Kagome-that the real Kagome was honestly and truly dead. Besides, he would never believe her. 

_That_ was magic, she thought. Even though she'd always thought it was supposed to be something wondrous, it had turned out as more of a curse than anything. Inuyasha was in a state of ignorance, and she feared that even when his hangover wore off, his eyes would still, and always, see her as his lost love. 

She watched him until he fell asleep, as she felt was her new duty. Than she rose off the floor and went outside. 

As far as anyone was concerned now, she was Kagome. She had simply replaced the dead miko and no one would know she was gone. Somehow, her presence seemed to linger everywhere. Rin's own life now seemed to have lesser significance,  because she was stepping into the middle of the play, acting like someone else. _There is no more Rin._

A wave of chills enveloped her body, even though the sun bore down on her head. The discerning feeling of her own persona stolen from reality was  frightening. 

There's no other way, something inside her protested dully. It's your fault Kagome's gone, and you have to _be_ her from now on. She felt that this was only right without knowing what was compelling her to believe this. All her thoughts, which normally she would have deemed insane, now seemed perfectly rational and right. 

What was happening to her? 

There would be no protests, then, when he called her by the other girl's name. She would answer, learn to love him even. Make his meals, clean up after him, and share his bed. There was no other place for her to go, and she could not ever leave his side. 

No regrets, she thought. I'll take up my new nook here and bury the past. She faced all this with a dead, grim satisfaction. Sesshoumaru sama would never come back for her, so she would simply bury him. He would never exist in her mind again, and that one day yesterday spent in the grass would fade to a distant memory of a time long ago. 

Always she would keep a smile on her face, because tears were not allowed. Now, only her heart would cry for what could have been. 

He was walking out of a forest lying adjacent to a village. Then he smelled it. 

It was so abrupt that he stopped for a moment- it seemed odd that she was still existing somewhere, when in his mind, she'd disappeared off the planet. 

Rin's scent, though mottled with so many lesser scents, was blatantly poignant to him. Letting the sweet aroma linger around him, he almost did not hear Jaken speak. 

"Rin chan is in the village, Sesshoumaru sama!" he said, restating Sesshoumaru's already drawn mental conclusion.

"Perhaps she is," he said nonchalantly, "But I care little. Rin is no longer a part of our lives, Jaken."

For a moment the small green youkai said nothing. "I do miss her, Sesshoumaru sama. May you grant me a wish to go visit her?" Damn, must he provoke the subject?

"Do as you wish." He turned away, walking away as he so often did from those who irritated him. 

He situated himself at the tree and watched Jaken waddle off into the distance, leaving him, as he so often was, alone. 

He should have been used to it. After all, he'd spent all of his hundreds of years of his life alone, for the most part. When that wretch Jaken had tagged along, it took him a while to get used to his constant chatter. It amused him quite a bit to have a servant because of his undying loyalty. It also had perturbed him, this concept of "loyalty." How could one being be so solely devout to another?

But now, he thought, he understood, at least to an extent. Every time Rin was endangered, he rescued her without a second thought, and when that second thought _did _come, hours later, he wondered why on earth he rescued another useless human from death's grip. 

This whole situation daunted him to no end, and he wanted Jaken to return quickly so they could get out of there. 

Maybe one day their paths would cross again, but he doubted it. And then, in a hundred years, he would remember this all as a distant memory that drifted away 

The days slowly blurred together. She awoke and tended to the hanyou, fudged her way out of using her "miko powers," and prepared food. Day after day. 

But something felt…wrong. Every day in the back of her mind, she felt as if she was losing something a little at a time, like she had a bagful of seeds and was spreading them slowly over the land. 

She did not realize how weak her will had grown in these past few weeks. Every since Inuyasha's wish, a false sense of contentment had coated Inuyasha and Rin. There were times when her obligation did not feel like such an obligation any more- it was what she really wanted. After she'd told herself that so many times, she believed it. Without her even realizing it, her memories were rapidly fading. 

At times, she got so wrapped up in her role as Kagome that she forgot who she really was. When Inuyasha called her "Kagome," she responded without the unvoiced protest of "but I'm Rin!" popping into her mind. Then, she would quickly remind herself that she was really Rin, and she must never forget that. 

It was like having a secret, something she could keep to her very own self. Inside this Kagome you see, there is another little person…

But when she lay curled up next to Inuyasha, feeling his lungs breathe in and out underneath her hand, she felt happy. This is what I want forever…

It was on one day, so much like any other. It began exactly the same as usual. 

 "Kagome! Are the dumplings ready yet!"

"I'm not your slave," she called back playfully. 

"Keh! I'm hungry!"

"Well they'll be ready in a minute, dog-ears."

"I'm not a dog!"

 Rin giggled. This hanyou was very amusing sometimes-she might even call him cute. 

Bringing the food to him, she said, "Would you like to go for a walk with me after we eat?"

He gave her a condescending glance. "There are so many better ways to spend your time."

"Come on. It would be fun," she said unconvincingly. 

"I'm not going. I'm gonna go out and kill some youkai."

This was the one thing that was unsettling to Rin. Why did he, along with Sesshoumaru, feel the need to kill things to feel superior? But she only sighed. It was his way, and had been for hundreds of years. She could not change this. 

"All right, then. I will see you later." She rose off the floor and left the house. The fluttering of the curtains covering the entrance reminded her of something, but she couldn't remember what. 

Thanks for the review so far, everyone!  The more reviews I get, the more inspired I am to write a chapter more quickly, so keep it up!! From now on, I'll be posting at less regular intervals, because it IS summer break and all. I do have more time to write, so it might be less than I week before I have chapter nine up. 

x~Aurora chan  


	9. Chapter Nine

NOTE:: A lot of reviewers posted this question, or something similar to it about how Inuyasha doesn't know Rin isn't Kagome. I guess I forgot to clarify (and reading back, I did ^^;;) what's going on here is that the magic from Inuyasha's wish is taking effect over both their minds. Inuyasha still sees Rin as Kagome, and doesn't notice the personality changes and all. Rin is fully conscious of what she's doing, but her will has been weakened by the magic and she's being swayed towards wanting to be with Inuyasha and thinking she's Kagome. She's not in Kagome's body, and she's still Rin, but her memory is fading away ('nuther result of the magic) So in a sense, she's becoming Kagome slowly. 

EEEK! Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed!!! I was so surprised over the amount of reviews the last chapter got! *is all happy-like* 

Well, sorry for the wait in chapter nine…I had a little bit of writer's block after I posted the last chapter ^^;; but finally I got a brainstorm and started writing…this chapter is a little longer than they usually are, and I didn't even realize that until I was done writing. Ohhhhhh wellllllll. 

**Because…**

**Chapter Nine **

She passed by a field of white and golden flowers. _The same color as his hair and his eyes. I should pick some for him. _

After the intention formed in her head, Rin stopped. Pick them for who? Inuyasha? She tried to think about the last time she'd heard him make an appreciative comment about nature. He didn't like flowers; he trampled them without noticing while Rin mourned the broken petals on the ground. 

But the flowers reminded her of something in her distant past, the memory that she struggled to grasp. It had long disappeared from her hands, a slippery, evasive being that she'd let go reluctantly. Each day she woke up, her mind felt more configured to this life and less to her old one. 

The magic had taken a firm hold on her mind, but it couldn't totally erase the residue she had from before, something which annoyed her greatly. 

Every day she got flashbacks from something that she was absolutely sure had never happened to her…yet it seemed like somewhere, sometime, it had. 

Maybe Inuyasha will like the flowers anyways, she thought to herself, unable to shake the feeling of unease while she admired the blossoms swaying in the wind. 

She knelt down and began to gather the fullest blooms into her hands. 

But…that feeling. Still shackled to this feeling…she hadn't done this before, ever…but yet…she had…

Rin only had two flowers in her hand, and white one and a golden one, but she stopped. 

A pain in her chest, a dull, throbbing ache as she regarded the two already wilting blooms. They look sad to be separated from their brothers and sisters…she thought. 

Dropping the flowers, she turned and walked away. But she couldn't escape the pain. 

The small green youkai stood on the edge of the wood, observing the bustle of the town. So far, he'd seen a whole handful of young ladies, but none of them carried Rin's scent. 

It was so frustrating. Every place he went fairly dripped with her scent, but also, that of many other humans. How could these creatures stand living packed so tightly together like this?

Then again, he remembered Rin's loathing of solitude, so unlike that of her lord. When they left her alone, she did it willingly, but she always told them how glad she was when they got back. 

So it would only make sense that the whole species flocked together in masses. It seemed odd that he knew this, that he was accepting it…but Rin had changed both of them.

Suddenly, a figure passed before his vision. Although clothed in strange garments he'd never seen before, her essence jumped out at him. This was definitely Rin. Something about her seemed so uncultivated compared to the other girls, but it wasn't in a bad way. There was simply something more colorful about her and everything she did, a wild, natural streak that was subtle, barely recognizable...not something one could easily pick out. 

"Rin…" he ventured at the girl's back, but she still did not turn around. 

"Rin!" This time his voice was shriller, more commanding, but still she ignored him. This was going to take drastic measures. Passing up her long, heavy strides was not easy to do, but finally his short legs brought him directly before her path- she _had_ to acknowledge him now.  

Rin stopped. The expression on her face was priceless-eyes bugged out, mouth gaping open. Jaken was inwardly chuckling at her confusion. 

"Rin. I am sure that you did not expect to see me here so soon, right? Don't worry, Sesshoumaru sama is nowhere nearby."

For a moment not a word came out of her mouth. What in the world was this thing? It looked like a little talking toad or something…perhaps it was a youkai…in fact, it probably was. And this "Rin" he spoke of…her name sounded vaguely familiar, but no one by that name resided here. 

Finally she spoke. "I think you have the wrong person, little toad. There is no Rin in this town. You might try the town over. It's down the path, a few miles east-"

"Are you mad?" he squealed, his wide eyes opening even wider. 

Her eyes narrowed slightly. People walked all around, a few glancing at the disheveled girl facing the strange looking youkai. 

Rin was barely aware of anything in the town. It all seemed to blur away as the small, sharp words echoed in her mind. _Are you mad? Are you mad? _

She didn't know…was she mad? 

She shut her eyes against all the thoughts, but they kept invading her brain. Like poison…

Was that why she kept feeling all these vague, empty pockets in her mind? Was that why she felt as if something was stored there, but she couldn't reach it? Was that why…she felt like an empty shell?

There was no use hiding it… these past few days, past few weeks in fact, had seemed so strange…something in her mind was squirming for control. 

As if there was someone else down there… 

"But I'm Kagome," she mumbled, arguing with her inner voice. 

"What?" Opening her eyes, the small green youkai loomed before her view. 

"Kagome? You mean the mate of the hanyou?"

"Mate?" She muttered vaguely. She'd heard that term once before…

"I can't remember," she finally yelled, voice tense with strings of frustration, "I can't remember!" Tears rushed up to obstruct her vision. "I don't know! I can't remember!" _Was_ she Kagome? 

"Kagome is dead," said Jaken, confused. What was wrong with Rin? Did she think she was Kagome? "Rin…?" Jaken asked, and this time, she raised her tear-filled face to meet his eyes. 

"I don't know who I am…who I was…"

"Do you want me to get Sesshoumaru sama?"

_Ses_…___shou__…maru…._

Rin gasped abruptly as an image flicked in her head. White. Tall. Powerful. She captured it and held it in her mind, studying the golden-eyed face, and the long white hair. 

Then, more images came across to her- moonlight, blood. A girl looking like her. A kiss. 

They all were fragments of that _something_ that she thought she had forgotten.  

Then it all began to speed up. She clutched her head as the images appeared progressively faster.

She saw Sesshoumaru lying bloodied against the tree. A girl offering him food. Sleeping on something fuzzy during a cold night. Picking him flowers.

And then, she was older. Her heart fluttering at the sight of him. He was telling her to leave. That girl was _her. _

"Kagome san?" A man appeared at her side, but she glanced at him with dull, unrecognizing eyes. 

He backed away in fright. The glazed expression in her eyes frightened him. "Madness?" He whispered, "Kagome san? Are you quite all right?"

"I…" She found herself helpless. For the images in her head…

"Kagome san?" A woman approached her, voice full of concern. "Are you ill?"

_Rin._

The name blanketed all the images she'd seen. It sliced through the fog of happiness and her very self. 

_Gods.__ What have I done?_

She was Rin. She'd let herself forget. 

"I am Rin. I am not Kagome... Rin. _Rin...please call me Rin!!."_

She didn't realize how she looked to the townspeople. Clutching her head, as if trying to repress all the disrupting images, tears trailing down her face, and speaking in disoriented sentences.

The whispers she heard were frightened, timid. They formed a circle around her, and when she looked up, she saw a sea of faces looming before her vision. They were ugly, these faces, accusing and staring at her as if she wasn't quite human. 

Rin tried to break through the circle, but there were too many of them floating in to watch the insane girl. Their eyes, which had once welcomed her into their village and smiled happily at her in greeting were now cold and filled with animosity. But it was over something else…fear…

She did not want to give up, but her spirit was so exhausted…

Jaken was pushed out in the stampede of humans to encircle Rin. He backed away slowly, clutching his staff. He would kill them all if he could. 

Though killing an entire village of stupid people like this was pleasing to him, it wasn't a very good idea. 

How easily humans turned upon one another in the light of confusion or ignorance. Rin should have been born a youkai girl, for she possessed none of these foolish traits. He wondered what Sesshoumaru would say about _that. _

"Let's stone her! She's possessed by oni!" Someone called out, and this proposition was met with a brigade of excited voices. 

"Stone her!" Someone else called out, and soon this phrase turned into a chant. 

"Wait!" another yelled, "Let's lock her up for tonight, and see if she's still possessed tomorrow morning."

The humans argued amongst themselves. Of course she would still be insane the next morning, they said, let's do away with her now. But others thought that the oni would leave her body soon, so they wanted to wait. 

Jaken smelled fear on them. 

Someone scooped her up in his arms and carried her away. The rest of the humans followed him to a small stone hut in a parade. Rin offered little to no resistance. Her body seemed so frail and weak. 

Jaken was stricken. 

They were going to kill Rin, then.

 He turned and ran back to Sesshoumaru sama as fast as his small legs would carry him. 

"Sesshoumaru samaaaaaaa!" Jaken's cry carried through the whole forest. Sesshoumaru waited. In a minute, he saw him scrambling over in his direction, and when he halted, he stopped, panting. 

"Sess…shou…maru….Rin…they said…oni…." Words tried to force themselves through his panting, but in the end breathing won over. 

Sesshoumaru simply lifted one eyebrow and waited for his minion to regain control of himself. He highly doubted the importance of anything Jaken had to say. 

Finally, he began to speak, the words starting out fast and tumbling over one another. "It's Rin, my lord. She thinks she is Kagome. You know, the hanyou's wench. Her mind seems to be altered, or controlled, or something! She did not know her name at first, but appeared to have remembered. 

But the humans, oh, traitorous beasts they are, believed she was being possessed by an oni! They are going to kill her tomorrow morning! Sesshoumaru sama! We must rescue her or else she will die!!"

Jaken finished up with a flourish, his eyes widening even more and voice raising to a shriek. 

No reaction from Sesshoumaru, save the other eyebrow shooting up. His eyes remained as cold as ever.  

Jaken waited for him to say something, anything. 

Finally, the silence became intolerable. "Aren't you going to do something? Aren't you going to order me around and run over to rescue her like you always do?" By the end of his statement, his voice was nearly pleading. 

Sesshoumaru did not answer him, and when Jaken looked up, he saw his hair swinging matter-of-factly over his back as he walked away. 

Jaken scurried after him, still talking. "Sesshoumaru sama, I know that girl means something to you. Please my lord… if it's not too much to ask…will you go rescue her??"

Finally Sesshoumaru turned upon him, eyes flashing. "It is not our concern," he said curtly. His voice sounded as rocky as ever. 

Ignoring Jaken, he turned away and walked away from the only human who'd ever meant anything to him. 

Inuyasha hadn't planned on spending the entire day out. But he'd plopped himself in the forest, idling away, waiting for a hot idea to come to him about how he should propose to "Kagome". 

So far, nothing. 

"Damn this shit!" He screamed, slicing the nearest tree with his claws. When it came to anything else…killing…defending himself…blowing other people off…he did it without a second thought. But now, the simplest thing was turning out to be harder than he'd ever expected. 

After the shadows grew taller and the forest dimmed, he decided it was time to go home. 

"Screw it," he muttered, "I'll just blurt it out and hope I don't make a total ass of myself." 

He leaped towards the village at full speed, but even before he reached it, he heard shouting. 

When Rin awoke, she felt ugly. 

Head hurt, eyes groggily taking in her surroundings. It took her a moment to realize why her chest was hurting so. 

The whole situation settled over her like a pile of dust. She was weak, then. She'd allowed herself betray Sesshoumaru sama. Her mind had been controlled. 

She couldn't even remember any of the things she'd said or done while she was acting as Kagome, and the thought terrified her. This was the worst kind of fear she'd ever encountered. She could run away from palpable danger, but the horrifying void in her mind simply hovered over her, seeming to smirk triumphantly. 

And she was going to die soon. 

That last bit of information seeped in slowly as her brain struggled to comprehend everything at once. 

The condemnation had happened before her eyes, but she found herself unable to form words, unable to protest. 

After they'd tossed in into this small stone prison, she'd felt herself slipping away…

And now here she was, facing death in a matter of a few short hours. She heard them saying she'd die at dawn- provided she still was "possessed." But she could not go back to being Kagome. The thought terrified her. If she did that, she might lose herself again…and then it would all be over for real. 

Rin leaned against the cold, stone wall in a feeble attempt to warm her chilled bones. The only light was coming in a small, square window near the roof. _The moon's out today, she thought idly. Full moon, probably, judging by the brightness of the light. _

It was a perfect beam shooting through the window, casting out the darkness of one tiny square. 

Death. What a strange concept. To simply stop living. Where would she go? Would she feel anything once she was dead? Or would she simply vanish?

Gods, she didn't want to die now. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to cage in the sobs, but one escaped in a burst and echoed against the walls. 

The sound of her own voice unnerved her. Soon, she wouldn't be capable of making a single noise…

_See, then, _said a nasty little voice in the back of her head_, this is what you get for leaving Sesshoumaru sama. He would have protected you, fool. _

The thought of Sesshoumaru sama forced another tear down her cheek. 

How she wanted to see him again. But she probably never would. She would die, and he would go on with his life without another thought of her, ever. 

She shut her eyes against everything and tried to quiet her screaming mind. So many voices spoke- panic, guilt, nausea..and love.

Suddenly, a memory spoke up. She didn't know where it had come from

"Rin, my dear. If all else fails, pray." 

Who else had ever called her "my dear?" It took her a moment to realize that this was her mother speaking to her. 

"Pray?" She whispered. How did one pray? And what was it? Talking? And to whom?

Her mother used to pray to Buddah. She'd ask him for health of herself and her children and think him for his blessings. 

The memories of her early childhood were seeping in slowly. Her mother helping her pray- folding her little hands together, kneeling down next to her. Then she would tuck her into bed and promise her she'd never let anything happen to her. 

But now she was dead, and soon, Rin would join her. 

The moon winked at her tantalizingly from outside, and the whole hut was illuminated in white light. Rin crawled over to the center of the beam and knelt down on the stone floor slowly. Its asperity dug into her knees, but she barely felt the pain.

 Yes, her mother had told her to pray. She had always been so sure that this Buddha had heard her prayers. Like she was merely chatting with a close acquaintance. But Rin didn't believe in anything anymore. Everyone else had let her down too many times, and besides, if this so called Buddha did exist, he wouldn't let this happen to her, would he? There was only one person in the world who she trusted completely; she would talk to him. 

 "Sesshoumaru sama?" she ventured. 

"I've never done this before…so please be patient with me." Pausing, Rin struggled to keep her thoughts together. They were so scattered, so panicked, it was hard to keep them all in place. 

"First of all, I'm sorry for being disloyal to you. I know that I've always followed your shamelessly without question, but I'm an adult now. I'm finally grown up, Sesshoumaru sama. I hope you're proud of the person I've become." She seemed to have totally lost herself as if Sesshoumaru was standing right next to her, listening. Her voice rose and fell with each word, growing soft and swelling with passion. In her mind, she could see him clearly- sitting next to her, perhaps even holding her, golden eyes fixated on her. 

"If it's not too much to ask, Sesshoumaru sama, can you please, please come to rescue me? I know you told me to go back to a village, but you must have done it because you love me. Because it was for my own good. Right?"

Her voice was choked up with tears, but she tried to push past them with more words.

"I never told you this before, but I love you. A while ago, when you killed Kagome, I thought my love for you had died, too, even though it was an accident. But I do still love you, even after that. Maybe it's because I'm a weak, stupid human. I know that's probably what you think, anyways. But…" She could barely force the last bit out through her tiny, closed throat. 

"That's how I feel, and I can't change it. But just so you know…I'll be your Rin, forever." 

When she opened her eyes, the empty walls of the cave stared back at her. 

And she was alone. 

Sesshoumaru suddenly stopped walking, listening to the air around him sharply. 

"My lord? What is it?" It took him a moment to realize his minion was addressing him. 

"It is nothing," he replied indifferently. Only a moment ago, though, he could have sworn over his very life that he'd heard Rin's pleading voice in the wind.  

I have no idea when I'll be done with the next chapter O_O I wanna make it as good as possible, so I'm not gonna rush it…but at least I know where I'm heading this time, unlike before I wrote this chapter ^^;; so maybe it won't take me as long. Well, I hope everyone enjoyed this chappie! ^^  

x~Aurora chan 


	10. Chapter Ten

Eep! I can't believe how long since I updated! I never thought I'd say this, but I've been busy, busy, busy. Even though it's summer! Well, school starts soon (ugh…) so I finished the story up…but there's still one more chapter after this! ^-^ I've been writing for…about…five hours straight. Head hurts. A lot. 

**Because…**

**Chapter Ten**

She never thought sleep would come to her, but Rin found her eyelids tugging down and her exhausted body melting into the wall. 

Though it was an awkward, uncomfortable position, she found a strange sort of solace from the slight pain it brought upon her. Had she been snuggled into a cozy bed, sleep would have totally evaded her, as if her external surroundings were coaxing her into the belief that everything would be fine. 

At least now, she knew the whole time that it wouldn't be fine. 

She dozed fitfully off and on throughout the night, each time upon awakening marking the position of the moonbeam cast over the stone floor. 

A few hours past midnight, she awoke again to hear a clatter at the small slit where the moon escaped through. 

"Kagome! Kagome!" A hissed, furtive whisper slipped through the silence. 

The voice sounded unfamiliar, because the one she had been hoping for-praying for- would not have made such an entrance. And he wouldn't have called her Kagome. 

It never occurred to her that the hanyou would come to get her. Of course he would- she was his beloved "Kagome," the only person who'd ever mattered to him. 

"I'm in here," she said, listening to her flat voice. 

She was happy to see a savior, even if it wasn't the one she'd expected, but if she had to go back to living that lie she would have rather been dead, anyways. For she feared more this fate than the fate of death. They were both quiet and stealth, but death possessed a calming silence that her possessed mind would not. 

What if when she saw him, she fell under the spell again? He would insist she go back with him and live with him…

What if she couldn't escape? She'd be caught in this web of deceptive happiness once again, and then she would lose herself forever. But it was worth a try, for as long as she had her life, there was hope.

All these thoughts flickered through her head in the half a second after she responded to his call. 

"Come get me, Inuyasha," she said, careful not to let her voice slip into Kagome's. 

"I'll have to bust the wall down with Kaze no Kizu. Stand back or else you'll get caught in the falling rocks."

She flattened herself against the back wall and waited. In a moment the hut was filled with a bright, flashing light, and the walls tumbled away to reveal a huge opening-freedom, blessed freedom. 

She ran then, terrified that the wall might somehow change its mind and trap her inside again. 

Outside, the stars glimmered happily. All of them spread out over the whole town, lighting up the sky. It seemed like the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen. 

"I'm so happy you came to rescue me," she said, turning to him with a smile lighting up her face. 

For some reason, this statement seemed to embarrass him. "Yeah, well. It' just what I do, you know? Let's get out of here before someone notices."

He turned around and stood there, slightly hunched over. She stared at him in bewilderment, before realizing he wanted her to hop upon his back. 

Rin carefully climbed on, feeling the comforting solidity it held. She knew he wouldn't drop her, and she trusted him completely. For now. 

He broke into a run, dashing past all the huts and past their own hut, deep into the forest. 

When they stopped, it was in a beautiful, moonlit clearing. Rin's eyes searched frantically across the clearing, looking for a good break in the wood where she could escape to. Before she had a chance to plan her escape, Inuyasha deposited her on the grass and sat next to her. 

"What are you doing, woman, getting yourself into all sorts of trouble?" He demanded, arms folded. 

"It wasn't…." she sought helplessly for a way of phrasing her dilemma, "I just…I don't know what happened to me. Maybe I _am crazy." _

Her voice was papery and flat; she was sure he wouldn't believe her, but surprisingly enough, he did. 

"You're not crazy. Well, maybe you are a little bit, but you've always been that way." He jostled her side with his elbow to show he was only kidding. 

She managed a shaky, tentative smile. Inuyasha had taken care of her as long as she'd been with him, and even though she knew she wasn't the person he thought she was, she still felt like she should thank him, somehow. 

"Inuyasha…I just wanted to tell you…" she glanced up at his face, and saw him turning red. Inwardly she smiled, for now, she could finally let out her breath-freedom was in sight. 

"Thank you for taking care of me all the time. You've protected me so well ever since we met. Just….thank you."

She felt a wave of something swell up inside, and it took her a moment to realize what it was. That fluttery, giddy feeling that she'd only felt once before-with Sesshoumaru. It's the spell, she admonished herself. It's not real. Ignore it. 

But it felt so real…

"Kagome." He took her shoulders in his hands and turned her to face him. 

"Y-yes?" 

"I've been wanting to ask this question for a long time, but…I've never been able to work up the nerve." 

She stared at him, unsmiling. "Yes?"

He fished around in his pocket for a small box, then got down on one knee. Shutting his eyes, he blurted out, "Kagome, will you marry me?" 

Sesshoumaru stopped, and Jaken ran into his leg. 

"What is it, Sesshoumaru sama?" 

His minion's voice seemed far away as he focused intently on the scent in the air. 

Rin was close…very close…he would have recognized that sweet, innocent scent anywhere. But that wasn't it. He also smelled the hanyou, and the two scents mingled together in the air's breath. If that bastard does anything to Rin, I'll kill him, he thought, and that thought brought on one of his rare rises of anger. 

"We're going back," he said, amazed at the amount of tightness his voice held. 

"D-demo…Sesshoumaru sama?" Jaken was confused at his lord's sudden strange behavior. Then, he took a deep breath and realized what it was Sesshoumaru had smelled, and followed him wordlessly. 

"M…ma…rry…?" She stared at him in shock. In the back of her mind, a voice echoed that word…and she remembered Sesshoumaru sama talking about marriage. But…the hanyou? If she married him, there would be no way of ever escaping. If she said yes, she might as well have been digging her own grave as she spoke. 

But how to refuse? As far as he was concerned, she was Kagome. What would he have done had _she _said no?

She opened her mouth when suddenly a voice behind her rang out, strong and clear. "She will not. Get your paws off her, you hanyou bastard."

Both of them whipped around, startled. 

Inuyasha growled and reached for the Tessaiga at his side. 

"That won't be necessary…all you have to do is hand over Rin to me." His voice was smooth and emotionless. 

Rin stood like a statue, the mere sight of him paralyzing her. He seemed more beautiful then the last time she'd seen him, when she thought she would never see him again. Her eyes drank in everything about him-his long, flowing white hair, his piercing golden eyes, and his overpowering aura. Her heart swelled with happiness-he'd come, not because he had to, but because he wanted to protect her. 

When she was small, she'd always felt the same way after waiting days alone for his return. He'd seemed like an apparition when he finally strode up to her, and with a curt nod of his head, she would follow him with a smile on her face. 

And it was at that moment that she realized how much she loved him, and with it, a flash of desperation. What if he left her here alone? 

"Sesshoumaru sama…" she whispered as she watched his mouth move again. 

"You will release Rin or die."

Inuyasha seemed genuinely confused, but his rage at being threatened by his older brother overshadowed it. "I don't have your human bitch, Sesshoumaru. This girl is _mine_, and I don't intend on giving her to you anytime soon! Seems like you've gotten desperate for a mate, eh? Going and stealing your younger brother's girl, and a human, nonetheless."

Inuyasha's sneering face was almost too much to bear, but Sesshoumaru kept his metallic expression intact. 

"You seem to think that pretending you do not know will get you somewhere. But if you speak one more lie you'll soon be joining _your wench."_

A pause while they eyed each other threateningly. 

The scene would have been almost paintable if there wasn't so much tension in the air- these two beautiful silver- haired brothers, the moonlight playing off each of their features. It looked like something from a legend. 

"If that is the way you are going to be…." Sesshoumaru stated, "Then you must not value your life!"He lunged at Inuyasha, sword bared, and Inuyasha dodged. 

"It seems like you've finally gone insane, bastard," Inuyasha said angrily, swinging his sword around, "Kagome is _my mate, and I have no other. It seems that you'll have to go search for your precious Rin somewhere else!"_

"I will search for her over your corpse." He made a blow alarmingly close to Inuyasha's head, slicing off a lock of hair. 

Throughout this whole encounter, Rin felt herself growing increasingly angry. So that's all she was, then? A piece of property that Sesshoumaru couldn't stand his brother owning? He hadn't come when she was upset, and he hadn't come when her life was threatened. Only when her maidenhood was threatened- then suddenly he showed up acting possessive. _He was the one who'd told her to leave, and he had no claims over her now. _

"Why are you suddenly all fucking sappy over a human?" Demanded Inuyasha, "I thought you were too _good _for-"

"Stop!" 

Her voice rang out and echoed in the trees, sounding ragged and shrill. Inuyasha's sword fell to his side and Sesshoumaru paused mid-swing to turn and look at her. 

Her hot, searing rage nearly blinded her. It forced the words out of her mouth, and even as she heard them she couldn't believe how angry she was. "I belong to _neither _of you! _You_," at this she turned to Sesshoumaru, "Obviously don't care anything about me, only about your stupid pride! You just wanted to get rid of me before, didn't you? And after that, you didn't show up until _now! _Did you know that I was almost killed?" then, she focused her anger to Inuyasha, "And you! You only think I'm yours because you think I'm Kagome! Well guess what? Kagome is dead, _dead, _and I don't belong to either you or him! I'm _me_, Rin! Not yours or yours!" She stood there, panting, as both of them stared at her incredulously. 

But she did not care anymore. They could both fight until their deaths, but in the meantime, Rin wouldn't be around to witness it. She turned her back on them and walked away, enjoying the silence. 

"Damn, damn _damn_ you both!" _ She whispered under her breath. After disappearing from sight, she'd run blindly through the forest, tree branches whipping her face. She felt the blood from her scratches running down her cheeks, but it felt good-it all matched up with her chaotic, raging mind. Now, she was laying in the grass, clutching her side as she gasped for breath. _

_This is the end_, she thought_, the end of everything._ There was no where to go now, no reason to live. 

If Sesshoumaru came after her, she realized now that she couldn't ever follow him. In this short time of being away from him, she had grown up and become her 

own person-one who wouldn't go sniveling to him after everything that had happened. 

Trying to stifle a shuddery sigh,  she lifted her head. Her hot red anger had faded into a dark, black pit of misery. The forest all around her suddenly seemed dark, threatening. 

"Sesshoumaru…" she whispered, feeling the tears on her face all run out. As much as her mind told her to forget about him, her heart still cried out for him. But following her heart had gotten her in enough trouble. It was time to start listening to her common sense for once. 

Rousing herself off the ground once more, Rin started walking-eventually, she would come to a village, but in the meantime, she would live off the forest. And then when she got to the village…she would…what?

Rin had never felt so alone. Even after her parents had died, and that brief, terrible time in its aftermath that she remembered vaguely, her childlike wisdom had kept her living. Now, it was different, for she had loved, and she had lost, and she was no longer a child. 

Suddenly Rin stopped, her thoughts all flying out of her head. 

For there, in the middle of the forest, lay a girl. She had long black hair and thick black eyelashes that graced her cheeks. It was hard to make out her facial features in the waning light, but instantly, without even approaching any closer, Rin knew that it was Kagome. 

All she could do was stare in amazement. Was Kagome still alive, then? She looked as if she'd just laid down for a little nap after taking a walk in the forest and lost track of time. 

Rin swallowed hard. She'd seen all kinds of bizarre things in her journeys with Sesshoumaru sama…when she was very little, seven zombie men that had risen from their graves and we wreaking havoc on the town. Naraku, of course, who she'd gotten a glimpse of during that final battle to recapture the Shikon no Tama. But this…she'd actually known Kagome, and so therefore it not only filled her with terror, but with empathy as well. 

There was no doubt that she had been dealt a fatal wound during that battle all those months ago. So then…why was she lying here, her cheeks as pink and healthy as they'd ever been?

A faint hope blossomed inside Rin-maybe she _was alive, by some freak chance. And if that were the case, then would Inuyasha finally remember? Would he finally realize that this girl was the one he loved and not she?_

Taking a few more tentative steps, Rin settled herself next to Kagome. 

"Kagome? Are you asleep? Wake up…" She said, keeping her voice soft for fear that Sesshoumaru would somehow find her. 

Wiping a stray tear away from her face, she kept trying. "Kagome…Kagome? Please, be alive. I _need _you to live. _Please." _ Her desperate plea echoed in the silence of the woods. 

Drawing in a shuddery breath, Rin felt the last of her hopes dying a slow, painful death, and a moment later her eyes filled with fresh tears. 

Gods…just when she thought she couldn't cry any more…the lonliness, the descolence, the helplessness came rushing back, and _this _was the only way she could handle it? By crying?

Rin had never felt so pathetic in her entire life. 

But there was no way of stopping the torrent of tears once had started. With the conscious realization that Kagome was still dead, all her thoughts seemed to tumble down one after another, as if she'd pushed a rock down a mountain that started a landslide.

_Sesshoumaru doesn't love me, I'm alone, I have no one, I'm an orphan, and I'm a pathetic, weak human…and there is no more hope…_

She couldn't believe how terribly wrong everything had gone in such a short time. It seemed that her entire life had been utterly shattered in the course of a few foolish actions. All the events of the past few months had been spiraling chaotically downward, and right at this moment, they all collided, leaving her in the very center.

_Baka__, baka, baka! She screamed at herself mentally, __what's wrong with you? What's wrong with Sesshoumaru? _

Rin was angry again. In fact, her grief at the loss of her old life quickly turned into fury and frustration that she felt she couldn't bear. 

It wasn't all her fault, then. Sesshoumaru had been just as stubborn, just as flighty as she. But the fact that he didn't return her love- and gods, by now she was sure of that. He merely viewed her as a possession, or maybe a minion. But never, ever, a mate. 

Standing up, Rin felt her body shuddering with sobs. "I hate you, Sesshoumaru. I hate you! I hate you…but…I love you…" she said, choking back another sob. It felt good to say those words-both of them were a relief to emotions she'd kept pent up for so long. 

"I'm such an idiot…" she mumbled, turning away from Kagome's body. Her body still held residue of her sobbing, but for the most part her tears had dried, leaving only silent, frozen little streams creeping down her cheeks. 

And suddenly he was there. 

Rin felt him before her eyes saw him- all of a sudden the air of the terrible weight that had settled on her was doubled, and she knew that only one thing could change it so much. 

Nothing more than a glance passed between them, but it was amongst the longest and deepest glances ever in the history of stares.

Sesshoumaru saw Rin more clearly than ever. Face stained with emotion, shining with shed tears, her smallness compared his own height. Looking so vulnerable, yet at the same time, so angry and defiant. The human he found and saved, and who had changed his life. The human that he wanted to be his. But he knew by the look in her eyes that she belonged to no one and was determined never to again.  

And Rin stole one hard look at Sesshoumaru. Cold, cunning. Looking exactly the same as he'd ever. Unloving and tormenting her so. Heart crying, brain trying to rip her away from him. Hating him, and loving him. 

They passed one another by. Sesshoumaru, she realized vaguely, was heading towards Kagome's body. But she did not care. She would walk, and she would keep walking forever. 

"Rin."

She stopped. For the rest of her life, she wondered what would have happened if she had kept walking. But she was sure that she would have regretted it until the 

day she died.

She didn't respond, but Sesshoumaru knew that he had her attention by the stiffness of the spine, the erectness of the head. 

"What do you want me to do?"

Rin closed her eyes. So many answers exploded in her mind: free me, hold me, love me. But she couldn't bring a single one to her lips. She was an adult now-what a strange time for this realization. Being an adult meant that things didn't always turn out the way you wanted them to, and it meant that your dreams were dead. 

Sesshoumaru found her silence strangely excruciating. As if she'd weighed every word he'd said in her mind, cross- analyzing him, deciding if it was worth an answer. Normally this type of scrutiny would not have affected him, but he'd realized a long time ago- his situation with Rin was anything but normal. 

Slowly Rin turned around and eyed him. She didn't meet his eyes, but they started at his neck and began slowly traveling downwards, looking at his as if he were a stranger. There, his armor, covering that muscular chest that only she'd seen. His huge fuzzy pelt. And then her eyes landed on the two swords at his side. There was the one that his hands lingered constantly on the sword of destruction, but behind it there was…Tenseiga. The sword that had given her life back.

And it was then that she knew what to do. There was no amount of questioning  here.

"Bring Kagome's life back," she said tonelessly, the flatness of her voice surprising even her. 

"If you desire so," he said, voice matching hers. How impersonal they sounded, like strangers with a thick wall of stone around them. 

"I do."  
  


Almost ceremoniously, Sesshoumaru curled his fingers around Tenseiga and pulled it out of its scabbard. In the faint moonlight that was filtering through the trees, it threw light around in the clearing. 

Sesshoumaru's studied it for a moment, then glanced at Rin. 

Instantly, Rin knew what he was thinking. He's remembering, she thought, maybe even regretting ever giving me my life back. She couldn't meet his eyes. Those golden irises were a constant reminder of everything that had ever gone wrong; he a youkai, and she, a worthless little human girl. 

Sesshoumaru had turned away by now, and he was raising the sword over Kagome's body. Suddenly Rin squinted- in the faint light, she saw dark willowy figures spiraling out of Kagome, but only for a split second-Sesshoumaru's blade suddenly cut through them and they all vanished. 

Rin ran up to the other girl and knelt down. For a moment, her face remained motionless, but in the next her eyes began stirring with the faintest signs of life. 

And then Rin was looking into a pair of brown eyes exactly the same shade as her own. 

"It worked," breathed Rin, all her tribulations resting aside as she basked in this miracle. Sesshoumaru, so powerful, able to steal life as easily as he could bring it back. 

Kagome sat up. "R…Rin? Sesshoumaru? What are you doing here? What am _I _doing here? The last thing I remember was…" her eyebrows bunched together in a slight frown, but an instant later, she finished, "I remember pain…." 

Her eyes rested on Rin, presumably seeking an explanation. But suddenly Rin was too exhausted, both physically and emotionally, to explain. Instead she said, 

"Where is Inuyasha?"

"Inuyasha did not want to follow me here, for he knew that this place was the graveyard of his lost mate," Sesshoumaru spoke up. His eyes regarded Kagome steadily, contemptuously, before turning and walking away. 

"I was…dead?"

Rin nodded. "Please, Kagome…I beg of you. Go find Inuyasha. He believes that you are dead, and that I am you because of the wish he made with the grail."

Kagome's eyes were wide and dazed. "Sesshoumaru used Tensaiga on me, then?"  She gave no recognition of having heard Rin's pleas. 

"Yes. As a favor to me." Rin stood up and brushed herself off, focusing intently on getting the dirt off her yukata to avoid Kagome's questioning eyes. 

"Thank you, Rin," Kagome said as she stood up on wobbly legs. "I will go find Inuyasha now."

The girls eyed one another warily. If they'd have been friends, Rin would have thrown her arms around her. But Kagome stepped forward, then awkwardly drawing 

back at Rin's, which deflected anything of that sort. 

Rin wasn't quite sure of what to say, so instead she just nodded and walked away. "Good luck," she said over her shoulder. 

She had matters of her own to attend to, and she needed to find Sesshoumaru. 

  


Insomnia is good for something, heheheh. Tell me what you think, and I'll post the next chapter pretty soon, and this time I can guarantee that because I already wrote it! 

^_~ Okay, well, everyone knows about the pretty blue button. 

x~Aurora chan 


	11. Chapter Eleven

It's over. Those two words echoed in Sesshoumaru's mind as he turned and left to two girls sitting in the clearing. 

They could never be together now-when Rin looked at him, there was so much hurt, confusion, and something else. Something that both unsettled and intrigued him. Her eyes were no longer innocent-they seemed to see right through him. Her eyes no longer feared him. 

And he had been the one to hurt her-all those times, pushing her away, because he couldn't stand the thought of her being his, yet, at the same time, it was the only thing he wanted. 

When she'd left before, he'd felt only relief- she was over and done with, and never would her presence torment him again. 

But now, it felt like he'd left something very important behind, like Toukajin. The second that thought materialized in his head, he remembered Rin screaming "I don't belong to either of you! You don't care about anything besides your stupid pride!" 

Alright, then, Rin was more than just a possession. _Much more. There was no way of caging her soul down-he could see that now. Even if she wanted to come with again, which she wouldn't, it wouldn't be like before. How would he treat her then, as a mate? As an adult?_

Letting out a little growl, he mentally spat on the thought. Weakling, he chided himself. You're letting this weakness get in the way. It felt like at this very instant he'd reached a double-sided path. He could simply allow himself to forget everything of Rin and live his life exactly as before her. But for some reason going back to that did not seem possible. 

So there was the other option, going back, talking to her, and trying to convince her that he wasn't as terrible as she thought. Even though he was. But this-this seemed threatening. Facing Rin would be tougher than the fiercest opponent. 

But Sesshoumaru was not the type to take the initiative. He didn't care about anything, for the most part. He tried hard to tell himself he did not care about this, either.

"Sesshoumaru! Sesshoumaru!" Rin wished at that moment to have an acute sense of smell like he did. And if she did…well, then she would be a youkai, too. 

Every tree she passed seemed to mock her with its silence. The trees knew where he had gone, yet she struggled to follow his path. 

Rin was absolutely terrified. Visibly shaking, in fact. Once she found him, that would be The End. The last time she would ever, ever talk to him. And she would be the one to end it all. 

Abruptly she saw him. His back was facing towards her, and he was standing at the edge of the forest, staring out into space. Alone. 

"Sesshoumaru."

He had known she was coming-these dog youkai senses weren't just good for fighting. Slowly, he turned and faced her. 

She was tiny, he realized for the first time. Her head only came up to his chest, so she was standing only feet away from him, head craned upwards. 

Looking at Sesshoumaru, Rin saw something that amazed her. His metallically gleaming eyes were now softened, and the ever-present fierce expression was gone. This new revelation threw her courage off balance, and for the first time, she faltered under his expectant stare. 

"Sess….Sesshoumaru…" Anger rushed in at the weak sound of her voice. Clearing her throat, she started over. "There's something I'd like to tell you before I leave for good, Sesshoumaru. I know probably regret ever bringing me back to life, but…I'm grateful."

No response. He simply continued to stare at her, his eyes seemingly piercing through her. She didn't know if he understood what she was saying or not; had Sesshoumaru ever felt alone, grateful, or afraid? But she still pushed ahead anyways, telling herself that she _wouldn't _back away. 

"Thank you for raising me and always protecting me. I'm grown up now, so I suppose I don't really need it anymore." Even as the words came out, she realized she _did still need it- not physical protection, maybe, but her spirit was still tender from this fresh wound, and she was sure it would leave a scar forever. _

But she did not, would not, cry. There was no way she would ever let Sesshoumaru see just how much he'd hurt her. 

"Good bye," Rin said softly, and stole one long, painful glance at him. When she turned around, her new life would begin. When she turned around, she would erase every memory of Sesshoumaru from her brain and block out the pain. A new page would turn, a sequel would begin. And maybe, just maybe, it would end happily ever after. 

Sesshoumaru stood and watched her walk away. It was incredibly ironic-the girl seemed to want to walk more slowly just so she could torment him, maybe draw out some guilt. He could easily catch up to her, and even as her figure became a speck in the distance, she was still within reach. 

But he simply stood there, listening to the silence of his heart. All throughout Rin's little speech, that small, annoying feeling that he'd managed to eradicate up till now had returned. The desire to just silence her trembling mouth with a kiss was almost uncontrollable. But he'd clenched his body up and forced it to appear relaxed. 

Now she was gone. 

It is for the best, he told himself, nodding. We each go our different ways and never have to worry about integrating our ways. Human and youkai were never meant to be together, and that was just the way it was. The painful struggle to uphold their ideals and at the same time keep their love for one another was over. 

Love. 

There was no other explanation for it. Sesshoumaru had quickly come to think of it as "that annoying feeling," but he supposed that was what humans referred to as "love." 

So yes, he finally admitted it, though to no one other than himself. 

He was in love with Rin. 

That wildly irritating feeling of something that was out of his control failed to anger him now. Instead, he just felt dead. 

Sesshoumaru didn't know how long he stood there, just staring at the spot where Rin had disappeared over the horizon. Finally, as the sky began to show signs of dawn, he turned and began to walk away. 

Though slowly, ever so slowly. 

These old ways, the ones he'd kept alive for hundreds of years, suddenly seemed so bleak and pointless. There would be battles, and there would be Jaken following him around. But never Rin. 

Instead, she would leave him behind the legacy her memory. 

Sesshoumaru barely ever slept, but at times life became tiresome and he laid down to take a nap. On those rare occasions, he'd dreamt about Rin. Sometimes, she was wrapping her tiny human arms around his chest and hugging him. But other times, she just stood there, looking at him, with tiny fangs, golden eyes, and youkai markings on her face. 

It was something that would never happen. Rin's human form would stay forever, and she would die before he knew it. In his mind, Sesshoumaru could keep her alive always. 

His mind still fought wildly against his common sense. Maybe, it protested, there's a way for Rin to become a youkai. But that was stupid, too, because it could never happen. 

Sesshoumaru stopped walking. _Move, damn it! _His mind screamed at him, but his legs remained rooted to the ground. He couldn't go any farther. Walking away would mean giving it all up. And at that moment, Sesshoumaru realized-he'd rather hold her for a short lifetime rather then spend an eternity wondering what it would have ever been like without her. Was he a coward, then? One who would walk away from something that he feared? 

"I do not fear Rin," he out loud. But yet, something held him back with invisible arms. He was afraid, though, but afraid of what she could do to him, how she could weaken him. It's too late, he thought, she's already done her damage. 

Fighting fearsome youkai was not courage. It was simply habit. This-something new, something different, and it would take courage, if he could find it. Cowardice angered him, always had, always would. Rin was not a coward-she was a strong woman, an adult, one who was worthy of his love. And now, love was not their weakness, but their strength. 

And with that thought, Sesshoumaru began to run. 

"Inuyasha!" Kagome called, hearing the forest throw her voice back at her. Gods, where in the world was he? Sesshoumaru had been with him just a moment ago, but now where was he?  He could be _miles away by now. _

Kagome's legs were still a little shaky-after all, she hadn't walked on them in months. The thought that she'd been _dead still brought a little shiver up her spine, but she tried not to think about it. _

Find Inuyasha, she thought, find him. 

"Kagome!!" 

She stopped dead in her tracks and whirled around. There he was, long silver hair, hidden partially by underbrush. 

"Inuyasha!" She screamed joyously, spotting him, and began to shove aside bushes and plants hurriedly. 

When she finally reached him, she stopped walking. So did he. 

For a moment they just stared at one another, and then suddenly Inuyasha rushed foreword and seized her into his arms. 

Kagome could barely breathe from joy and the fact that his arms were so tight around her. But it didn't matter-she'd gladly give up breathing for this. 

Inuyasha released her, then, and his face split into a very un-Inuyasha-like grin. "Come on lady, must you cause so much trouble?"

"Me?? Cause trouble? You were the one who was following Rin around like a sick puppy dog because you thought she was _me."_

"N…nani?" 

"you don't remember?" Inuyasha only shook his head.

 "I was battling Sesshoumaru…that's the last thing I remember."

"I was killed," she said softly, "I guess you must have laid me down to rest in this forest, because I was still there when Rin and Sesshoumaru found me."

Inuyasha just stared at her, his eyes wide and disbelieving at her story. Then suddenly images filtered in slowly to go along with her narration, blurry at first and then sharpening a bit.

 "I laid you there to rest, yes," he said, nodding, remembering, "In a peaceful place. I was going to bury you the next day, but I couldn't bring myself to do it right then…"

"Then why was I not…um…_decayed_?" Kagome asked with a hint of amusement in her voice.  

"The Shikon no Tama. Kik…." He stopped, but her eyes urged him to keep talking, "Kikyou told me once that it keeps its bearer's body alive for a long time." 

Kagome smiled and gave him another quick hug. "I'm glad you think I'm so beautiful," she said teasingly. 

When she pulled away, Inuyasha was blushing, which Kagome found adorable. But she didn't comment on it, because she wanted to hear the rest of what had happened. 

"And then…?"

Inuyasha frowned, managing to push aside his joy at seeing Kagome to remember. "I remember it like a dream…you know, how you remember a few things, and some parts are really clear, right? And you know certain things happen, but you're not sure what exactly."

"I didn't know you had dreams," Kagome interrupted.

"Yeah, yeah, I do. But anyways. I remember like you came…and you brought me a cup full of water. And then I made a wish. That's the one part I remember really well."

"Yeah? What'd you wish for?" Kagome now leaned foreword, interested, her eyes wide and fascinated. 

"I wished for you to stay with me forever," he mumbled, the blush returning. 

Kagome was touched. "Awww, Inuyasha," she said, her cheeks turning slightly pink as well. 

This was Inuyasha's cue now to hug or kiss her, but he didn't. Instead, he stood there like the lout that he was and said, "Shut up."

"So do you want me to use the O-word?"

"No, no, no! Not before I finish!" he said angrily. "So I wished for you, and I got you, and then…it was like…we went back to the house, or something, and then…we lived there for a while. Then I had to rescue you from something…and then I was fighting with Sesshoumaru over something."

"Over Rin," Kagome guessed.

"Nani?"

"Rin was the one who brought you the grail, Inuyasha. All that time that you can't remember you must have been under that spell. You must have thought she was me."

Inuyasha was aware then of feeling extremely stupid. "Well why now then? Why was the spell broken? Why am I still not with her?"

Kagome shrugged, but began talking. "This is only a guess, though…so I might be wrong…but maybe it was because I came back to life? Or maybe Rin confessed her love to Sesshoumaru? Or…just that she overcame it herself?"

Inuyasha shrugged. "All I remember was it was like waking up only standing up. I suddenly had no idea where the hell I was and why I was here."

"Wow, that must have felt strange," Kagome commented. They were walking now, on their way back to their house. 

Inuyasha casually slipped his hand into hers, trying to seem cool and nonchalant but failing miserably. 

"Kagome, I have something to ask you."

She stopped walking, causing him to stop. "what is it?" She asked, suspicion lacing her voice. 

Inuyasha whipped out the box again and got down on one knee, and in that instant Kagome knew what he was going to say. 

"Kagome, will you marry me? And this is the second damn time I've had to ask you so you'd better say yes!"

"Yes!" She screamed, ignoring the little box and flinging her arms around his neck. 

Rin could not walk any more. As dawn broke over the horizon, she felt her legs giving out. She felt like a wet rag that had been squeezed dry. She found herself unable to cry, even unable to feel anything. It was as if all her emotions had been exhausted in one night. 

So she collapsed down on the forest floor, not caring whether it was dirty or safe or cold or wet. She wouldn't feel it anyways. 

But even though her eyes were shutting by themselves, all she could see were images from that morning playing over and over in her head like some twisted play. 

Even saying Sesshoumaru's name brought this hot, searing pain to her chest. She couldn't. Would she ever be able to feel happiness again?

The sounds of the night faded away as the first birds started singing. They were morning doves, low and mournful, sounding like they were crying. 

Abruptly they all stopped and she distinctly heard the fluttering of wings. Rin's eyes flew open and she scanned the dimly lit area for any signs of a predator…a wolf…or a bear, maybe?

Or…a _dog?_

Her mouth dropped open as a million emotions rushed in and mingled yet again. _Sesshoumaru?_

His hair looked messy and windblown, and there was a stain on one of the legs of his pants. This was the most disheveled Sesshoumaru ever allowed himself to look, but he did not care.  Rin felt worse, but to Sesshoumaru she looked more beautiful than ever.

Sensing the wild questioning in Rin's eyes, then, he strode up to her and stopped little more than a foot away. For a long time, neither of them said anything.

Rin was suddenly aware of everything around her-the morning doves had returned, cooing their sad song again. The sky was gray with dawn, and a light, misty rain had begun to fall. Everything except Sesshoumaru. She did not look at him, did not let their eyes meet.  

"I believe that we have both made a mistake, Rin," he said finally. 

Her eyes, which she didn't think could get any wider, suddenly got wider. "What…what do you mean?"

"Tell me honestly. Do you really want to leave?"

This couldn't this _can't _be happening, she thought frantically. I just told him that I was going. _What is he doing here?_

But only one syllable slipped out. The one syllable that she tried so desperately to keep inside. 

"No."

And then her eyes were burning again, filling when she thought they could no longer. Only one tear slipped out, slowly traveling down her cheek, seeming to leave a burning trail of misery in its wake. 

She was supposed to be an adult now…she was her own…not his, never his again. 

"No," she said again, shaking her head. "I can't. We can't. Sesshoumaru, we can't go back to the way it was before. I'm an adult, now, and human. I'm seeing the world with my adult eyes."

"I know that," he said slowly, almost sorrowfully, thought Rin. 

"I do not…I do not want you to leave. I want you by my side. Not as a child. As a mate." he said, his voice rising in something that sounded like desperation. 

Rin, through her tears, saw him looking at her with those soft eyes again. This youkai lord, he's asking for you, called out a voice inside dimly. _He wants you, not as his minion, but as his partner, his equal. The thought sent a tentative shiver down her spine. She would not mind belonging to him again if he saw her like that. _

"You followed me all this way after I left you just to tell me that?" She asked, his words repeating and he nodded his head in a faint, silent nod. 

Sesshoumaru thought she might refuse, but Rin's silence was only due to her fleeting comprehension. She tried so hard to push it all aside, and here he was, ruining it all. 

I should be angry, she thought, but instead regarded him with a steady gaze. Even after all this time, she loved him. She hated it that she did, but she loved him so much that it stabbed her heart. 

"I want to be with you," she said finally, adding on the last word in a rush of childishness, "forever."

The tear that had found its way down her cheek had left a wet trail, and carefully Sesshoumaru wiped it away. 

Their eyes locked together in a delicate, fragile bond, and both of them remained motionless for fear of breaking it. 

"Why?" She whispered, keeping the sound of her voice within the bond, not too loud or high. 

"Why what?" Sesshoumaru asked, feeling almost drunk silly on this so-called emotion called "love." 

"I've been wanting to ask you this forever. Ever since before I left. Probably ever since I was little." She paused as she struggled to form the question in her head. 

"Why…why did you stay with me? Why did you let me follow you, and why did you keep me with you for so long? Why did you save my life so many times? You...you hate humans. I know the answer should be _obvious…_but I want to hear it…"

Rin trailed off, blushing, waiting, her stomach fluttering happily. 

"Because," Sesshoumaru said shortly. 

"Because…?" Rin was hanging on the edge of a cliff, and he left her there, dangling, for what seemed like forever. 

But he did not answer, and for a moment his mouth relaxed, the closest Rin had ever seen him come to smiling. 

"You should be able to figure it out, Rin." 

Rin smiled and drew herself into his chest. His armor pressed against her cheek, cold and metallic. "I love you, Sesshoumaru," she said finally. 

Like his personality, most people would have said. The cold, distant Sesshoumaru sama of the Western Lands. But she'd managed to remove the armor, looking past it to see someone who was warm, someone no one but her saw.  

Rin felt Sesshoumaru's arms encircling her waist and then slowly moving upwards to stroke her face, as if they were trying to memorize every crevice and scar. Turning her head slightly, Rin caught one of his hands on her cheek and kissed it, slowly, tenderly. 

His sleeve crawled back and two small stripes on his arm were revealed.  His markings of a full-blooded youkai. 

Rin stopped kissing him and her eyes fell on his arm. When she met his eyes with her sad ones, he ran and hand gently down the side of her face. 

"One day, I'll have to leave you," she said slowly, "I've thought of that many times."

"As have I," Sesshoumaru responded. 

"It'll always be there…" Rin said, "That difference between us." Just when she thought she could finally find happiness, another little dagger stabbed into her heart. 

"I do not mind," he said, the kiss he gave her then convincing Rin that he was telling the truth. 

A surge of bittersweet emotion rushed through her veins as she clung to him, not wanting to let go of all that was precious to her. 

They both knew that time would pass like seconds, and before they knew it, life would happen- Rin would have children, their children would have children, and Sesshoumaru would watch it all with immortal eyes. But Rin's childish "forever" still floated around them. 

They would live in their own forever.

For now.  

END

Okay. I have a few things to say. First of all THANK YOU TO ALL MY REVIEWERS!!!! I love you all! *glomps reviewers till they can't breathe* I seriously couldn't have done it without you! You were my fuel, and I was so happy that everyone liked it! Halfway through the story I wanted to start doing reviewers' responses, but…I didn't, because I'm lazy. I'm so sad that this story's over, but I hope to be writing more Sesshoumauru and Rin stories in the future ^^ I love that pairing, whee. I think the story turned out exactly like I wanted it to by the end…which makes me really happy because I knew how it was gonna end when I started it back in….wow. Back in April O_O I can't believe it. But sometimes when I start stories, the plot does this huge twist and something totally unexpected happens…okay, well, done babbling! ^^

A couple more things…I drew a picture illustrating the kissy scene in chapter 6…if anyone wants to go see it the link is in my profile 

Okay, last and final thing! I promise! I'm starting a site soon devoted to Rin and Sesshoumaru, because the more I wrote this story, the more I loved the pairing.  (of course ^_^) and I want it to be BIG!  I have a ton of ideas so far, but I wanted to hear other people's views on Rin and Sesshoumaru, too! so in your review for this chapter can you please tell me why you like this pairing so I can post it on the site? Also, if anyone has any fanart/fanfics they'd like to send in to me, please send them in! My e-mail is puffer_love@yahoo.com. Thanks!!!  When the site is online, I'll post the link in my profile as my homepage.  (The layout's done, now all I need is to start putting stuffs on there ^^) 

x~Aurora chan~x


	12. NOTE

In answer to my fiiiiirst review to chapter 11, about the website, I think it's just gonna be a site to them, both the father/daughter relationship, and the pairing ^^ I was gonna have a separate page for each on the site. And where's my link! Gah!!! It's supposed to appear in the profile!!!!!! *kicks slow fanfiction.net*

x~Aurora chan


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